Who's the Real Todd?, Ch. 12

Blair rushed down to the ER to meet the ambulance as soon as she got off the phone with Bo. God, why is this happening to him? They were just bringing Todd in as she got there and he was so quiet. She watched them wheel him into an examining room and go to work on him again.  Blair was so intent on the goings-on in the room that she didn't see Bo come in.

Bo walked up to Blair. "Blair, I think he's going to be alright. He had delayed shock from the events of this morning and that coupled with the debilitating effects of the poisoning was more than his body could handle today."

Blair turned to Bo, "I don't understand. What happened this morning?"

"There was a second attempt on his life this morning, Blair. Todd received a call this morning from someone claiming to be a reporter for the Banner wanting an interview with the new owner of the Sun. Todd was smart enough to get a name and when he called the Banner there was no such reporter, so Todd called me. We made arrangements for me to get a bulletproof vest to him before he headed out to meet this reporter and my men were canvassing the area around the meet to see if they could find a possible shooter. There was a slight problem, though. The shooter showed up at the penthouse. Todd found himself face to face with the barrel of a gun. Todd found out that she, and yes it was the same person who poisoned him, thought he was Todd Manning. She informed him her boss wasn't happy with him. Todd pretended to be Samuel and kept her talking because he knew an officer was on the way over. Long story short an officer arrived and took her away, but we found out the officer was bogus. My officer had been knocked out. Todd and Samuel sketched pictures of the assailants and brought them to my office, but the trauma was more than Todd could take and he collapsed." just then the doctor came out.

"Is he going to be alright?” asked Blair. “How much more can he take?”

"He's going to be fine, but his body really needs to rest. Because he was still recovering from the poison, the added stress emotionally from today's event was more than his system could take and shock set in. He was fortunate he wasn't alone when it occurred. He's coming around and I know he wants to go home but I urge you to talk him into staying here. I'm afraid too many more of these happenings might cause more than his heart to fail." he nodded at Bo and left.

"Bo, you know as well as I, he won't want to stay. My God, I'm totally stressed out over the happenings the last few days and I haven't been poisoned or had my psyche retreat or my heart fail. I'm worried about him, Bo. He's so determined to get Carlo. All these occurrences are getting to him, but he won't admit it. Bo, he was catatonic not two days ago. I'm afraid he's going to slip back there again and this time, we'll lose him permanently." Bo put his arm around Blair's shoulder and she turned to him giving way to the sobs she had been holding in. A few moments later she gathered back her composure and Bo handed her his handkerchief to dry her eyes.

"Blair, I can see why you're worried and I must admit I don't want to see him end up there either but Todd has always done things his own way and he's driven his body to hell and back. There is something very strong deep inside Todd that will help him survive this. You and I both know just what a survivor Todd really is. Now go see him, you've always added to his strength, don't stop now. I need to go check on Kelly and Natalie and find out how my brother is doing. I'll check back down here when I leave. Blair, don't let him leave here before I get back. We need to discuss his safety." Bo turned and headed to look in on his brother.

Blair still had Bo's handkerchief and she put it into her bag and pulled a mirror out to make sure all signs of her tears were gone. Then she went into the room to see Todd.

As she neared the bed his eyes slowly opened and he focused on her.  "God Blair, what happened this time? The last thing I remember I was with Bo. How did I end up here?"

"According to the doctor, and Bo, you had a delayed reaction to this morning's event. Your body went into shock. My god, Todd, you were almost killed again, and you didn't think to mention that earlier when we talked. I'm afraid for you. You need to stop this plan to get Carlo. It's not worth it. You are killing yourself just as surely as the person who almost shot you this morning. Heck, they don't have to kill you. They just need to be patient and you'll push your body one step too far and it will quit. Their work will be done." Blair stood above his head and looked down at him, waiting for a response.

Todd stared at her and felt her anger and heard the fear in her voice. She never had been one to mince words. "Blair, I didn't ask the gunman over for coffee, she just showed up at my door. I am very aware that I'm not one hundred percent right now. But I think you're overreacting about me killing myself. Just because I want to get Carlo shouldn't worry you, I'm working with Bo, I'm not trying to do it all by myself."

"That's just it Todd you shouldn't be working on it at all. The doctor said it's not just your heart anymore. You've pushed your body so hard and now with the poison, your body is on overload. He said you could put yourself into a position where your other vital organs might start shutting down from the stress. Both Ray and I are concerned your psyche is on shaky ground too. What do I need to do to make you understand? I can't lose you again. I can't." Blair's voice trembled and her tears reappeared and started slowly making tracks down her cheeks.

"Blair, don't cry, I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?" Todd stared, helpless to stop her tears. Her words scared him to death. Was she right? Was he foolishly putting everything at risk just to get Hesser? Todd closed his eyes unable to watch Blair cry. He was letting her down, and his body was letting him down. God will it never end. He hated this moment. Ever since he could remember one thing after another had been taken from him. His mother had left him, his psyche had fractured, now after years of torment and abuse his body was failing him, and the end result was that he might lose the one person he had truly found a connection too. He felt himself drifting deeper into his mind, "Samuel, what should I do? Ms. Perkins, guys, I need some advice, I'm floundering here?"

They appeared before him and what alarmed him was that they too looked sickly, like something was affecting them as much as him. Samuel spoke for the group. "Todd, you've got to back off. It's a struggle to stay here with you. Your mind and your body are tired, and it's affecting us all. You've got to give yourself time to fully heal. Listen to her Todd. you know she's right and you know in your heart what you want most and it's not revenge." his alters faded, and Todd felt so alone at that moment. He hated being alone. Being alone sucked. Then he felt a hand stroke his face and his eyes opened to the most beautiful woman in the world to him. He wasn't alone, he had Blair and he wasn't going to lose her. Not now, not ever!

Todd looked up at Blair, her love for him was spilling from her eyes. He felt a tear hit his face and he wiped it off. Reaching for Blair's face, he began brushing her tears away. "Alright Blair, I'll back off until I'm stronger. I can't lose you. I won't." he pulled her down and they kissed, each giving the other the comfort they needed so desperately.”  When they stopped to get their breaths, Todd said, "Now when can we leave. I can't stay here any longer."

Blair pushed away from him angrily, "Did you not hear a word I said! The doctor said your body needs to rest. So whether you like it or not, you're not going anywhere. You are staying here this time until the doctors feel you're strong enough to go home and face a crisis without ending back here."

"But Blair, I feel fine now and I want to go home. Look just go get a nurse and let get me out of here. " Todd started to get up only to find himself being pushed back down on the bed.

"You're so fine huh, well you look like death warmed over and your hands are trembling. You want to tell me that's fine. I don't think so, Buster." Blair said decisively.

Todd was flabbergasted, but as he looked down at his hands he realized they were indeed trembling and he was reminded of Bo's office when he couldn't stop them from shaking. She was right, his body was definitely trying to tell him something. He was still bothered by the images of his alters, is that how he looked to Blair or were those images the result of the attack on his body by the poison. It had been an eye-opener, to say the least. He once again clasped his hands trying unsuccessfully to stop the trembling, and they felt like ice. "Alright, you win. I'll spend another night in this godforsaken place, but just one night. I hate this place."

The nurse had entered the room and began checking Todd's vitals. She glanced at Todd's hands and typed in something on his chart. Blair looked at Todd and said. "Samuel Toddman, you are going to stay here until the doctor feels you are stable enough to go home and you're going to behave yourself. Consider yourself on bed rest until further notice. No arguments Mister." She turned and followed the nurse out.

Todd felt so frustrated, he knew she was scared and he didn't blame her but he couldn't just stay in the hospital and hide. The nurse came back in and added something to his IV. "That should help the tremors Mr. Toddman, you should see results shortly. The doctor will be in, he wants to talk to you." Todd nodded and leaned back into his pillow. He should never have come home, everyone would have been better off, even Blair. By setting this whole thing in motion he had put people in the line of fire that shouldn't have been anywhere near it. Manning had been shot and his family was in turmoil. Blair had been doing fine without him and the kids had been surviving. Even Samuel had been better off. He had endangered his life innumerable times since coming home and he wasn't any closer to getting Carlo. The shaking seemed to be stopping and Todd unclasped his hands.

The doctor came in and began examining him. "Mr. Toddman, I'm afraid to give you any more medication tonight. Your vitals are still a matter of concern and your color is still off. I had hoped for more improvement but I think the residual traces of the poison in your system are still trying to attack you. I want to keep you here through tonight and very likely tomorrow as well. We need to make sure all traces of that poison clears your system before I'm going to allow you to go home. Do you understand what I just told you? Your friend Ms. Cramer said you wanted the absolute truth, so here it is. Your body is trying to shut down and we're doing everything in our power to keep that from happening. She told me you said you felt fine. Is that really the truth or were you trying to make her feel better? My guess is you actually feel terrible. You need to rest Mr. Toddman, don't fight to get out of that bed too soon, at this point, you would fall flat on your face. " The Doctor suddenly realized that Todd had zoned out. "Mr. Toddman can you hear me." he checked the monitors and the heart rate was slowing down. Pushing the button brought the nurse running and he ordered a low dose of medicine to raise the rate back up. Fearful of sending Samuel into a heart attack with his weakened heart the doctor ordered constant monitoring for several hours.

Bo had rejoined Blair outside the room just waiting for the Doctor to complete his exam when the nurse had gone running in. He and Blair watched as they tried to rouse Todd. The heart rate began to rise and Todd showing signs of coming around again. Blair had grabbed on to Bo's arm for support when the nurse had gone inside and had finally released it when Todd began reviving. They watched as the Doctor talked to him quietly and then came toward them. "Doctor what just happened?” asked Blair.

"Mr. Toddman's heart rate plummeted and we had to raise it with medication. I'm not happy about that but we're sending him up to ICU shortly. The next 24 hrs are going to be critical. We're pushing fluids through him trying to clear the last of the poison from his system. We need to keep his heart stable tonight and we'll be watching for any signs of any other organ failure. He's awake again but keep it short." said the Doctor.

Bo and Blair went in but it was clear that Todd's condition had indeed worsened. He was barely conscious. Blair went to him and whispered something in his ear and his eyes opened focusing on her briefly before closing again. She turned to Bo " This is so wrong, Bo. I swear if he dies, I'll do everything in my power to bring down Carlo and I promise you it won't be pretty. Will he be safe tonight?" she asked.

Bo said. "I've sent a man to the Penthouse and LaBoulae as well as Manning's home. The officer in charge of guarding Manning is still in place and another officer will be here shortly to guard you and Todd. It's probably overkill since they didn't kill him when they had a chance. but I won't let Hesser have another chance at him. You stay with him because I think you are going to bring him through this. One thing that became very clear in the past Blair was his love for you. I think that is what will keep him here. I need to check back at the station and see if we managed to get any leads on the assailants and then I have to notify the marshals about a possible location where we can find Hesser. You hang tough Blair. One thing I know about Todd Manning is you can't ever count him out."

Starr was leaving James when her phone rang." Hi, Mom. What's up? It's not Kelly, is it?... What?... Why didn't you call sooner?...Where is he?...ICU?...I was on my way to get Hope from grandma and go home... I'll call grandma. I'm coming up." she hung up and rang her grandma. "Addie, I need to leave Hope there longer. I've got to go back to the hospital...Mom just called, it's Dad... Something else happened... I've got to go. Thank you." Starr couldn't believe the last couple of days. Walker had woken up then someone had tried to poison her dad. Kelly had gotten stabbed by Hope's grandmother no less. Now her dad was back in the hospital, critical. What was going on? Someone wanted both her dads dead and they might get half their wish if her dad didn't start getting better. Starr parked and went to find her mom. She found her mom sitting in the waiting room lost in thought. "Mom, I'm here. Now tell me the truth. What happened to Dad?"

Blair looked up at her daughter and drew her down next to her on the chairs. "Earlier this morning, I left your father in pretty good spirits. He had plans to talk to Bo about what he and Walker discussed, but while we were here finding out about Kelly, he was facing a gunman in the penthouse."

"What! Mom was he shot too!" exclaimed Starr.

"No, he wasn't shot, in fact, according to Bo he managed to convince the assailants that he was Samuel and they left him alive. He was with Bo when he collapsed. He went into delayed shock because of the experience and was brought here. The doctors thought they had him stabilized and your father wanted to go home but this time, his body refused to cooperate. It appears that the poison has done more damage than first suspected. Trace amounts are still in his system and his body keeps wanting to shut down. I'm so worried Starr, he keeps going in and out of consciousness. The doctors had hoped for more improvement by now and they're a little stumped why he's not recovering faster. I think this goes hand and hand with the catatonic state he was in two days ago. I have this sinking feeling he's giving up because he doesn't want to hurt us anymore."

" Mom, why does he think he's hurting us? Nothing could hurt us more than him not being here".

"Your father's belief about his worth to us has always been tainted by his own feelings of worthlessness and self-hate. I think he believes he brought all this current sorrow on us when he decided to return," said Blair. "Why don't you go and see if he's awake. Try and make him understand we don't want him to leave." Blair hugged Starr and sent her in. As her daughter entered the room, Blair prayed Starr might be able to get through to her father.

Starr looked at her dad. He appeared to be sleeping and she thought about a few weeks before when she had sat by Walker's bed and told him to hang in there and stick around. She had meant those words when she had spoken to Walker because in spite of all he had done she still cared about him. But her heart ached for her Dad. She recalled all the wonderful screwy things they had done when she was little. The schemes they had planned when they were trying to keep Max and Skye from hurting her mother. He had always made her feel like she was the most important person in his life. She walked over to him and touched his shoulder. "Dad, are you awake." he opened his eyes and smiled at her.

"Hi Starr, sorry you keep finding me here. How's Hope?"

He sounded so weary. "Dad, Hope is fine but I'm worried about you. What do you think you're doing? You come dropping back into our lives and now you've decided to drop back out. Have you given any thought about how we might feel if you leave again? The doctors told Mom you should be improving. What's the matter, is life getting too challenging for you? "

Todd looked at her puzzled by the anger in her voice. "Whoa, Starr, I don't understand. What is it you think I'm doing?" God, he was tired, it would be so easy to just go back to sleep, but Starr seemed really upset. He had never been able to stand it when she was mad at him and for some reason, she was mad at him now. He tried to clear the fuzziness that was threatening to overtake him. He shook his head and tried to sit up more in bed.

"What do I think you're doing? I think you're giving up. Why now, why this time Dad? As long as I've known you, even when you and mom were so far apart that you thought there was no going back, you used to pull out all the stops to bring us back together as a family. Why are you quitting now? Do you seriously think that dying is the way to go? If you leave permanently then the world will right itself and everything will be all better. Dad, I've got news for you. Our lives were a mess long before you came home. In fact, your return has actually brought some joy back into my life and Mom's. Now you want to take that joy away. Well, I won't have it. You snap out of it Dad. You promised we'd be a family and I'm holding you to it." she glared at him. Holding her breath, praying she would see his fire return.

Todd looked at her. Seeing her clearly and realizing she was right. He had done it again, he had let his self-pity take over. He thought back to all the times they had had these conversations and each and every time she had managed to make him see clearly. She said he hadn't hurt them, that he had brought her and her mom joy. Things were still screwed up but he did have something to fight for. He wanted to keep feeling that joy too. "You're right Shorty, I don't have the time for this," he grinned at her.

There it was, there was the fire in his eyes. She grinned back and threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you, Daddy."

"Uh Shorty, air, I need air." but he hugged her as he said it. As she stood back away he said. "Now I'm awake, so tell me what's going on with Kelly and Natalie, and have they found Marty yet?"

She was so tickled, he was back to his old self. She clued him in on Kelly's prognosis and told him they were still looking for Marty. No one had told Natalie that Marty had her baby yet. They were all hoping they could get the baby back before Natalie realized the truth.

Blair came walking in and saw Todd sitting up in bed carrying on a conversation and said a quick prayer of thanks. Starr had done the trick. She walked over to the bed and gave Todd a kiss and hugged Starr and whispered into her ear "Thank you, Sweetie." Starr gave her mom a quick hug back.

Todd saw the exchange between his girls and knew it had something to do with him, but he sensed they were both happy about "it" whatever "it" was, so he ignored it. They were interrupted by the nurse coming in for vitals. The nurse smiled at them all and Todd took that as a good sign. Blair and Starr also beamed as the nurse left. "Well everybody seems awfully happy at the moment, want to share the good news." he inquired.

Blair laughed, " You idiot, we're happy because it looks like you're going to live."

"Well, of course, I'm going to live was there ever any doubt?" laughed Todd and then realized Blair and Starr had gotten somber. "What, you mean there was some doubt?" he asked.

Blair said soberly, "Yes Todd, a half an hour ago, I thought you were going to die and so did the doctors."

Todd looked at Blair and knew she was serious. Had he really let it get that far. In his head he suddenly heard a voice " You bet you let it go that far, you be grateful for that daughter of yours Todd, she saved us all." Todd looked back at his daughter, one of the few things in his life he had ever done right. Now he understood the look between Blair and Starr. He turned his gaze to Blair and said. "I'm sorry."

Blair looked at Todd and smiled. It had been closer than all the other times combined because this time he hadn't been fighting. She knew now, more than ever, that Todd had to see Ray again. They had to find a way to get past his issues regarding his self-worth. Todd called it his curse and right now she wanted to curse both Peter Manning and Victor Lord for the harm they had caused. She defused the moment, "It's over now, you're recovering and another night or two in here will give your body the rest it needs." she saw his expression and knew he was going to object "Don't go there, Todd, we went over this earlier and after the last few hours it is no longer an option for you to go home. If you were to try to get up you wouldn't get very far."

Todd started to brush his hair out of his eyes and was surprised how heavy his arm felt. He looked with shock at Blair. "Just what happened.  I remember the doctor coming in and talking to me. but then things got a little fuzzy for a while until Starr got here. That wasn't that long ago why do I feel like something the cat dragged in."

Blair reached over and brushed Todd's hair out of his eyes. " Take a look around Todd, you're not in the ER anymore, you're in ICU. The shock weakened you and the traces of the poison in you attacked your body. While the doctor was talking to you, your heart rate dropped and you passed out. It's been over six hours since the first drop. Even though the remaining traces of poison were cleared from your body, you wouldn't remain stable, until now. That kind of stress on a body can take it out of you and you're not going to be doing anything more strenuous than eating, I have a feeling. But don't worry, I'll be here to help." She grinned wickedly.

Todd suddenly got her drift and said " Damn it, Blair, don't even think about it, I'm not that helpless. I still have a little pride left." he relaxed against the pillow and said. "Okay, so I'm here for a bit. How's Manning?"

"Walker's improving steadily. The doctors think he'll be ready to go home soon. I haven't seen Tea since they brought you in this morning." replied Blair. "Starr as long as you're here, I'll go check on Walker and see if I can get an update on Natalie's baby. You behave, Todd, I'll be back shortly."

Blair left and Starr moved back closer to her Dad. "Anything I can get you, Dad, you're still pretty pale. Are you hungry?"

"Starr you were right to get mad at me. I was giving up. Earlier, I thought that if I hadn't shown up, I wouldn't have brought Hesser and his cohorts back to Llanview. Even Samuel was better off without me coming back. He had a life and I took that away from him for my own selfish reasons. I figured if I just stopped fighting everything might get back to normal for you and your mother and Tea and her family. I've made a mess of my life since I came back from Ireland. And I deserved everything that happened to me as a result. But there was one constant for me throughout all of this and it was you. For you and your mother, I've got to stick around. Quite frankly you both are the reasons I'm still breathing." Todd finished speaking and looked at his lovely grown-up daughter and marveled that she still loved him.

Starr wiped the tears from her eyes as her father looked at her and wondered again how she could have ever thought that Walker was her dad. In a way she felt a little sorry for her brother Jack, although he idolized Walker, he never had the opportunity to get to know this awesome man in front of her. Sure he was flawed, and in his past, he had done horrendous things but when he loved, he loved wholeheartedly. That was why he and her mom kept finding their way back to each other because through every fight and break up, one thing had been constant. Deep down they were soul mates and would probably love each other till death. "Enough Dad, what's important is that you decided to fight again. I'm going to see if we can get you something to eat. You rest, I'll be right back. "

Todd watched her leave and closed his eyes, going deep he found them together. They still looked the worse for wear, but they were there. "Yes I know, I messed up. I wasn't thinking straight. Sue me."

Samuel walked over and said. "The next time you think about giving up will be the last time Todd. Dwell on that thought. We can't help when you do it to yourself. Just like when you retreat into catatonia. We're helpless to stop it. You were weakened by the poison but you poisoned us by your lack of will to live and always before you've fought for yourself and us. Somehow you need to remember this day. Burn it into your thoughts and heart. You almost let everything you cherish go because you let your hatred for yourself take precedence. Now go to sleep we all need the rest." Samuel and the others disappeared and Todd let his thoughts just drift into a fog.

Starr came in and found him sleeping, she sat down and took his hand in hers. "You sleep Dad, it's good for you. Don't you ever think about leaving us again, please? I watched you leave when Mom told you to go all those years ago. My heart was breaking. especially when she wouldn't let you say goodbye. You almost did it again today, I won't let you leave again without saying goodbye." she squeezed his hand and he squeezed back but remained asleep.

Inside the door, Blair watched her daughter and heard her words. She had never realized that Starr had overheard her words to Todd asking him to leave. It was amazing how their daughter could love them as much as she did. They had put her between them so many times and she had just been stronger than both of them. If they hadn't been so busy one-upping each other and not trusting in their love, their family might have survived intact. Now, years later, all they wanted was to be with each other and live out their lives together and in peace. Blair moved in and pulled her chair close to Todd's bed. He wasn't going to be alone tonight she and Starr wouldn't let him be.