Who's the Real Todd?, Ch. 6

Jack looked at Samuel. He wasn't sure what to say. He liked the guy okay, but he didn't really know him. There was also something a little scary about him especially when he was mad. Jack didn't quite know what to do in the face of Samuel's anger. Both his mom and Samuel wanted to talk about what he has done to Shane and he just couldn't see what the big deal was. Why were they so intent on talking about it? He wouldn't mind if all they wanted to talk about was the fact that Samuel was his dad, maybe he could keep their minds off Shane and just talk about that.  "I don't know. Why haven't you been here all this time and why is there another man saying he's my father?  He’s been here for me. I love my father.  I don't know you."

Todd heard Jack's words and couldn't look at him any longer. He stood up and moved to the terrace doors, looking out into the darkness. He had known it wasn't going to be easy to get to know Jack with Manning in the way but when Jack said he loved Manning, Todd felt like he had taken a blow to the gut. This was his punishment for giving his own son away all those years ago. Everything he had done back then came rolling over him. His stupid jealousy of Max colored his thinking. He had delivered his own son and then just sent him away and to make matters worse he had told Blair the boy was dead. Then he had foolishly tried to bring him back but hadn't told Blair what he had done. When that truth came out he lost them all. Now Carlo had effectively kept him away for eight years and put another man in his place and Todd was once again on the outside looking in.  

"I didn't leave you by choice Jack. I swear I would have been here if I could. As for the man who you know as your father. He was put here in my place with my memories. So you see some of the things about him are really my things, his likes and dislikes were programmed into him. But he's still a different man than I am and he doesn't have or carry all my memories. Some of my memories were buried too deep to access, so his take on the Rape of Marty and how I felt about her are skewed differently. He also doesn't remember my adopted father so his judgment about bullies might vary from mine. I can't make you love me and it kills me that you see only a stranger standing in front of you." Todd choked on his last words and leaned against the door still not looking at Jack.

Jack looked at his mom. He could see that Samuel is upset, but he didn't know what he could do about it. How was he supposed to love someone he didn't really know? It was uncomfortable to see an adult tore up like Samuel was. He should take it more like a man. His dad would understand. This whole thing was just weird.

Blair saw the question in her son's eyes. She knew he was too young to realize what his real father was currently going through or understand the hurt that Todd felt. He hadn't lived long enough to know all the ups and downs life can bring you. Jack lived in the moment, that was why he had trouble seeing  what his actions toward Shane had caused. Blair patted Jack's arm and then joined Todd at the window.

"Todd, it will work out, you have to give him time," she gave him a kiss on his cheek,  her hand rested on his arm and Todd's hand covered hers.  She met his eyes with hers and he gently squeezed her hand. She smiled at him, and took his hand and drew him back toward their son. "Now listen you two, this isn't easy for anybody.  There is a lot going on and we're still trying to untangle the whole mess so ...Jack, do you like Samuel?"

Jack looked at his mom and at Samuel. "Well yeah, he's an alright guy, he's pretty cool sometimes. That movie night he had was the bomb."

Blair turned to  Todd "See he likes you, so stop agonizing and just be friends for right now. Will that work Todd?"

Todd took heart at Jack’s words. The kid thinks I’m cool sometimes, that's a start. "It'll work for me. So Jack, want to be friends? No pressure or anything just friends," asked Todd and he walked over to Jack "But before you answer, you should know your mom and I are pretty serious about each other and I won't give her up. So if you can accept that and take me on as a friend we'll go from there." he held out his hand wondering if Jack would accept.

Jack has already figured out that his mom and Samuel were an item and his dad was married to Tea, so he didn’t mind that his mom was happy. If Samuel really was his dad and mom and he got married, Jack could live with that. "Alright Samuel, I guess we can give it a shot. It's okay if you're seeing Mom, she's been pretty happy since you came to town," he gave his hand to Todd and they shook.

Todd smiled at his son. Unsure where to take the conversation next they got a reprieve as Addie entered with some food and drinks. It was a relief to have something to do besides dwelling on what had just occurred, so they all dug in and sat down to eat.

While they are eating, Jack took the moment to really look at his mom and Samuel. She acted totally different when she was around him. Most of the time his mom seemed uptight about things, if it wasn’t about work, then it was making sure he and Sam got along.  With Samuel, she was just more at ease. Like having him around took some of her worries away. It was strange because she used to act that way when his dad was around like they had a bond, but then that bond had broken and they had fought a lot. Now she had that bond with Samuel but it seemed stronger than the one with his dad, it was like they share something between them and it had been there for a long time. Jack was still having trouble seeing Samuel as his dad, but he felt more comfortable with him and it did feel like he had known him longer than just a month or so. Maybe grandma was right, maybe he was feeling something for Samuel from when he was little.

Todd and Blair had been talking some more about Dani when Todd felt his son's eyes on them. He turned, looking at Jack, and raised his eyebrow in question. "Something on your mind, Jack?"

Jack gulped his food he hadn't meant to get caught staring. " Oh no, I just think it's weird when you and mom are together. Mom has a lot of friends but she never acts so at home with all of them. I don't know, it's just weird."

"You think it's weird because we're comfortable with each other is that it. We've known each other for a very long time and we get each other, Jack. From the first moment I met your mom, we were comfortable with each other. We told each other things no one else knew. You could say we're kindred spirits.  I'm sure there is a lot about your mom you don't know, but when we were both younger we shared a lot of enemies in this town. Together we held a lot of them at bay. We forged a bond back then and it's still there." Todd glanced at Blair and gave a small smile knowing just how much they shared back then before everything went south. "That bond with your mom is what brought me back. If she hadn't come to Paris, I might still be trapped there."

Jack's ears perk up. What did Samuel mean by trapped? Jack remembered his mom saying something about someone keeping Samuel apart from them for years. Just what was that story? Jack's curiosity got the better of him, and he asked. "What do you mean you were trapped?"

Hearing Jack's question, Todd looked at Blair. She shrugged and he turned back to Jack. "What do I mean by trapped. Well, that's a complicated answer, Jack. Let's just say that when your mom first came to Paris I was unable to talk or get close to her and the only one who could, was Samuel. Samuel and I are like brothers and Samuel was protecting me for the last eight years. The night I disappeared was the night I was seriously injured. The outcome of those injuries left me incapacitated and unable to return. Samuel came forth and helped me out and took care of me. Samuel suffered memory loss after we fell into the hands of an unscrupulous gentleman by the name of Carlo Hesser. We were taken to a hospital in Philadelphia and when we recovered, Samuel felt the need to protect us further by moving us to Paris. We existed in Paris with Samuel caring for me and himself the best way he knew. When your mother showed up at Samuel's front door it was like something was jarred loose and Samuel began remembering things. With more and more memories coming to light every day Samuel made the decision to come back here.  He purchased my old penthouse and set us up there. As you know by his paintings Samuel is an excellent artist but he knew his time here was coming to an end and he helped me to return and try to get my life back. He's still around helping me in ways you wouldn't understand, I just don't know if you'll get a chance to meet him. Does that answer your question?" Todd knew he should have told his son about his disease but Jack wasn't ready to hear that about his father, and Todd wasn't ready for Jack to think he was crazy. It was important that he have the time for Jack to get to know him before Jack found out about his extra personalities.

"But how come people think you're Samuel, doesn't he look different from you?" asked Jack

"Actually Samuel and I look alike, so it has been easy to pretend to be him around people that don't know me. I also have a little talent when it comes to painting so I can pass myself off as Samuel. If you're wondering why we look alike, it is because Samuel is indeed a relative of sorts. If you don't believe Samuel is real you just need to ask your Mom and your sister Starr. They've both spent quite a bit of time with him and they can tell you, he and I are different people." answered Todd, smiling over at Blair, who looked at Jack and nodded affirmatively.

"What about this guy who did something to you and Samuel? Where is he and what did he do to you?" Jack is really intrigued. "If Samuel lost his memory how do you know this Hesser guy did something to you?"

"Samuel did a lot of investigating when he first returned here and we've managed to uncover quite a bit concerning where we were taken and what might have been done to us. I'm currently having the paper do a more in-depth look into a facility I believe we spent time in. You should know Jack that I also believe your father Manning might also have been caught up in all this too." replied Todd

"No Way! You think this guy Hesser did something to my dad. Do you think he might be the one who shot Dad?" asked Jack.

"Well I don't believe he personally shot Manning, but I think he might have ordered the hit on him. This man is very dangerous so we can't underestimate what he might have set in motion eight years ago. Right now all our options on how to proceed, are dependent on the authorities bringing Hesser here so I can confront him." Todd answered grimly. "I think we've talked enough about me, maybe now we need to talk about what you've been doing to Shane." Todd saw Jack’s shoulders slump.  He peered at his son knowing Jack had been using his questions to delay the talk about the bullying.  "Did you really think we were going to forget what started everything this evening? Let me ask you, Jack, why don't you want to talk about what you did to Shane?"

"Because it doesn't mean anything. We didn't mean to hurt him.  It was just fun. I don't understand why you're all making a big thing about this." said Jack,

"That's the problem, right there, Jack. You really don't see that you did something wrong. I told you how arrogant and unthinking I was when I raped Marty and yes Jack, I raped her. She didn't ask for it. I took out the anger I felt toward my father on others because I couldn't admit that what my father did to me was wrong. I pushed all my feelings of unworthiness deep inside me and became as cruel as my father. No one was going to see my real feelings.  It hurt too much to let them out. So I showed my anger and everyone began to despise me. Jack, my anger took over and I hated the world especially myself. All I wanted to do was hurt those I felt had wronged me. It was me against everybody, but you see somewhere inside me I was crying for someone to know the real me. I met someone who saw the real me for a time and gave me her friendship. It was with her help and the help of a few others who saw something in me and weren't afraid to be with me, that I was able to accept I wasn't all bad. Your mom was one of those people and to my puzzlement, she actually fell in love with me. I'm not a good man Jack but when I'm with your Mom, I'm acceptable."

Todd turned around and sat directly facing Jack. "I look at you sitting here with no remorse for your actions and it scares me. I'm praying it's not too late to make you see, and I mean truly see the wrong that you have done. Why did you really attack Shane? Because that's what you did Jack, you attacked him in a very underhanded way and now you sit and tell your mom and me that it wasn't meant to hurt him. Who are you kidding? You've sat back for months and tormented this kid just for laughs. Where did you get this attitude, not from your mother that's for sure? I need to know what has caused you to be this way. Jack, are you listening? Jack talk to me." Todd said intensely.

Jack once again saw that look on Samuel's face and his mom had a slight frown on her face.  He realized that they're not going to drop this.  Samuel was getting angry about such a little thing. Sure Shane did something stupid like try and kill himself but he didn't. "Look I don't know what you want from me, I already told Mom that I didn't want Shane to hurt himself. I still think he's weak and so would Dad. That's what he's always told me, only the strong survive. I don't think there's anything wrong with what he says, I'm strong and no one is going to make me feel bad, I won't let them." said Jack defensively.

Todd stared at his son "Just who's been trying to make you feel bad Jack?"

Jack was flustered, "No one, I don't know why I said that.  I just meant I'm strong and Shane should be too."

Todd continued to look at his son until Jack dropped his eyes.   It was the second time he's seemed defensive. Jack was hiding something but it's obvious that they were not getting more out of him tonight. "Very well Jack, then let's see you be strong about this. I believe it is time for you to make friends with Shane. See if you can take the ridicule you've been so quick to hand out. Because I don't think you're strong at all and I think you'll cave within hours. How about it Jack? Are you up to the challenge?"

Jack’s chin came up. "I'll show you I'm strong.  Just you wait and see," he said mulishly.

"I will Jack, I will," said Todd.

It was a shock when you see yourself thrown back in your face, and Todd felt a little like he was seeing just that. He knew he had treated so many people with disdain over the years. It was strange how eight years in limbo and a bad heart can give you a wake-up call. If Manning had exhibited those tendencies, the cruelty to those he considered weaker, and the lack of compassion for those he thought beneath him, then no wonder Jack was the way he was. How on earth was he going to be able to show Jack the fallacies of that way of thinking?

Todd realized that over the years Samuel had been in charge, a change had occurred in his thinking process. Some of Samuel had definitely rubbed off and he found himself judging his own actions in the past and it was a bitter pill to swallow. Not only did Jack have to change but he would have to change too. It was a little too close for comfort and Todd felt the urge to flee right at that moment. He also realized that they were not going to get through to Jack anymore tonight. He stood up and turned to Blair. "I need to go.  I've got some thinking of my own to do." and he headed for the door.

Blair reached him before he made it out the door. "Todd, are you alright? I know this has been a rough day all around for you, you don't have to go, you can stay here tonight."

"Blair, I'm not sure I'd be very good company right now, my thoughts are all over the place and so are my emotions.  I feel like I've been kicked by a mule. I have a new daughter who wishes I had never shown up and a son who reminds me of what I was like at the worst time in my life. I'm sick inside right now." Todd looked at her and then at his son coming out of the living room. "He's so like me and I'm scared for him. I'm not sure I'll be able to get through to him. Even though I wasn't the one who raised him,I think he's still influenced by my actions from long ago. Manning was given my memories and programmed to be me, so in essence, Jack was guided by me. My flaws have shown up in my son. It's my fault he's this way, once again my curse is back, only now it's coming at me from my own son. I can't stay. Why would you want me to? You stood here eight years ago and told me I was going to one day hurt my own children and it's come to pass." His eyes met hers’s and he saw the one thing he never thought he would see there. He saw pity and it ripped through his heart. He shook off her hand and with tears in his eyes, he left

He reached his car and could no longer contain the sorrow filling him at that moment. He leaned against the car letting the tears flow. Tears for the lost years and the mistakes he made. Every mistake played out in his mind, Marty's rape, Starr's kidnapping, the hostage debacle, the giving away of his own son, the hurting of Vicki, they were all his own doing and with each, he lost a part of himself and didn't realize it. Now they had all come back to roost in his heart and he wasn't sure he could recover from this pain and Blair's pity on top of it all. He slammed his fists down on the hood of his car silently screaming in his head. Todd felt the darkness coming and was helpless to stop it. He crumpled to the ground.