Who's the Real Todd?, Ch. 5

Todd was quiet as the doors to the elevator closed. Starr glanced at her dad, she could see the unshed tears and knew how badly he was hurting. "Dad, are you okay? Dani's a little upset because of everything that went down with Walker right before he was shot. She's been feeling awful. It had to be a shock to see you and then hear you were her father. She reacted badly, but none of it was your fault. Do you hear me, Dad? She'll come around, she's a lot like you, it just takes time." She squeezed her father's arm trying to let him know he wasn't alone.

Todd patted Starr's hand, "I'm alright.  It was just difficult to see her and realize how many years I've lost. I've been trying to wrap my mind around you all grown up and Jack in high school and now I find I have a third child. But she's also a teen. It hurts because she'll never look at me the way you do and I haven't even been able to connect with Jack either. Two of my children don't know me, My daughter wishes I had never shown up and my son thinks I'm just a relative. I'm worried when he finds out the truth, he'll want the same thing Dani wants."

He paused and ran a hand through his hair. "Starr, there is something else I feel and that's rage, pure and simple. It's a good thing they haven't got Hesser back here to Llanview yet. He caused so much of this. If he was here right now, I'm not sure I'd be able to control myself. Right now, I'd like to beat him to a pulp." Todd took a deep breath. He noticed his hand was shaking and he put it away in his pocket to hide that fact from Starr. "After what just went down with Dani, I'm not sure if today is a good day to tell Jack I'm his father. Your mom was supposed to bring him by later so we could tell him and talk about this bullying he's getting into but I haven't heard from her so far. Have you talked to her today?"

"Oh my Gosh, Dad you haven't heard the latest on Jack. He really did something terrible to Shane. First, he stole Shane's inhaler and Shane had a severe asthma attack at school and then Jack and his buddies publicly humiliated Shane by stealing his clothes at the gym and when he came out of the bathroom, they took Shane's towel and put pictures of Shane over the Internet. To top everything off, Jack's not sorry. He even had the nerve to tell Mom that he thought Marty asked to be raped. Mom lost it, she slapped him and told him you would never condone such treatment. She took him home a little while ago. She probably hasn't called because she's sick that Jack has done these things and she thinks she's a bad mother." as she finished talking she looked at her dad's face. She'd never seen him look so haunted.

The elevator stopped at the parking garage floor and Todd took a shaky step out. Starr didn't like how her father looked especially when he stopped and leaned against the wall obviously looking for support. "Dad!." said Starr in alarm.

Trying to catch his breath he looked at Starr bleakly. "Please tell me it's not true. My son couldn't be that callous. He knows my past and even though I wasn't here, I thought Manning had remorse for my deed, how on earth did Jack come to the conclusion Marty asked for it? I know Manning and I probably parent a little differently but your mother told me Manning was himself raped by the mother of Sam. He couldn't have gone through something like that and escaped unscathed. Your mother told me Jack idolizes Manning. Tell me the truth Starr, is Manning that unfeeling."

"To be honest Dad, I don't know anymore. When he first showed up he was loving and caring with both Jack and I. But he began changing especially in the last two years. I couldn't believe it when he made plans to steal my baby and raise it with Marty. I couldn't understand how you could do that to me. Now I know it wasn't you. He was so like you, and when he came I missed you so much I just wanted you back. At first, he just told me he had been sent by you to look after us and that you couldn't come home yet. Then he started acting more like you and finally when he was getting too close to Mom, I told him he had to stop and that's when he told me he was you." Starr watched as her father pushed himself away from the wall and seemed steadier.

Todd reached out a hand and took Starr's and started walking toward his car. "Tell me more Starr," they sat down in his car and she continued.

"I said he couldn't be my dad and he said he had surgery but that he was you. So I challenged him to answer questions I thought only you would know. He answered them so I figured he must be you. Then we began trying to figure out how to get Mom with him and when he was going to tell her he was you. Things went a little haywire after everyone found out he was you. Then Margaret kidnapped him and Mom, I thought Jack and I had lost you both, but we were finally reunited.  Once again, we thought we were going to be a family until Margaret disappeared with her baby and everyone thought Walker had killed her. It was during his trial that I found out about Marty and everything you did in college. But I believed him when he said he didn't kill Margaret. Dad, he was actually executed for something he didn't do, but they found out the truth before the drugs totally killed him and they brought him back to us. Things were strained between him and Mom. Then we got Sam and everything was fine until he wanted us to move to Hawaii. That's when I made the mistake of sleeping with Cole and made Hope. Walker was never quite the same after that. I don't think any of us realized how far out there he was. Then he thought he lost Tea, and even though he got her back, he's been more obsessed with us than ever before. It's like he's desperately trying to hold onto something that is slipping away. Dad, why did someone want him dead?"

"Starr, I think he's strictly a loose end they want to eliminate before he falls apart all the way. If you've noticed his changes then the people who put him here in the first place have also seen them. They've been messing with his head for a while, we know that because of the drugs Tea and Blair found. If someone had tampered with your brain, who knows what it could do to you. I still don't excuse him for the way Jack is acting. Jack has to be emulating the father he idolizes which means Manning's view on women has been skewed the opposite of mine and there is no telling how long he's been passing these feelings on to Jack. Starr, you should get home to Hope, I'm going to LaBoulaie to see Blair and Jack and don't worry I'll be fine. I can hope Dani and I will have time to get to know each other. But right now my priority is to get Jack squared away." 

Todd leaned and kissed Starr's cheek and she gave him a hug and departed. Todd looked at himself in the mirror looking at his infamous scar, his personal reminder of the horror he did to Marty Saybrooke. Then he heard his daughter saying Jack said she asked for it. There had been a time when he himself had basically said the same thing before he realized how monstrous that truly was. God, how was he going to get his son to understand just how wrong his thinking was. Jack was headed down a very slippery slope. Damn it he sounded like Peter. Would that man never give him peace?

****

Todd pulled up in front of LaBoulaie, his thoughts were all over the place. It was time to be truthful to Jack and take whatever he had to say. Todd was not leaving Dorian's house without sitting down and having a heart to heart with his son, no matter how painful it might end up being for both of them. He reached the door and knocked. Memories came flooding back as he recalled the events in 2003 that led to his departure at Mitch's hands.

That day had been his undoing. Blair had said goodbye and asked him to leave permanently before he hurt the kids. She told him to stay away for their sakes and not come back. She hadn't even let him say goodbye to the kids. In his despair, he had gone to kill Mitch but even that got thwarted by Jessica. Then Mitch had kidnapped him and he lost it all. Well he had survived Mitch's beating and Carlo's tampering and he was home, now he had to set things right. He had achieved that with Vicki, Starr, and Blair. Now his son had to be told that the man he considered his father, was an impostor. Then Todd had to find a way to get Jack to stop and listen to him. Todd was brought out of his reverie by the door opening. Blair stood there looking very lost and suddenly she was in his arms crying on his shoulder. He held her as he had done many times in the past until she composed herself. As she started to back away, he stopped her, "Don't. We both need this." She looked up and he kissed her, giving her his support and receiving her's back. They finally came up for air and entered the house.

"Todd it's just terrible, I don't know how to get through to Jack. He's not even sorry for what he has done to Shane. He says Shane deserves it because he's a dweeb. I can't believe Jack is so cruel. He's turned into someone I don't recognize. I'm so scared for him Todd."  Blair began pacing and then she turned and said " He's doesn't even think he did anything wrong. Is it something I did over the years? Was I too lenient with him or have Walker and I so messed with his head that he believes it's alright to act this way? Sure he teased Sam, but all older siblings do that. I tried to make him understand that there were consequences for your actions but Jack's seen Walker escape from his problems one too many times. Now Jack thinks he can do whatever he wants and he'll get away with it. I just found out that Shane attempted to kill himself but even that doesn't phase Jack. Do you think you can get through to him?"

"I don't know Blair, I just found out about this from Starr when we left the hospital." said Todd.

"Wait a minute, why were you at the hospital? Are you okay?" asked Blair alarmed.

"I'm not sick if that's what you're wondering about but I'm not fine. I just met my other daughter and let's just say things did not go smoothly," replied Todd grimly.

"Oh Todd, you must hate me for not telling you. I'm so sorry but I didn't figure you should hear it from me, and Tea was going through all this with Walker. Dani's a beautiful girl, don't rush her and she'll come to love you like Starr and I. Can you forgive me?"  Blair studied his face and tried to figure out if he would push her away again. If he did, she wasn't sure she could take it. She needed him so badly right then.

Todd knew Blair was really sorry and truly desperate at the moment. "Blair, I'll deal with my anger but I'm not going anywhere. Yes, I'm hurt you didn't tell me, but Tea kept me in the dark first. She and I have talked and I'm sure we'll have other talks. Right now it's time for Jack to hear some hard truths. Get him down here Blair."

One look at Todd's face and Blair knew this wasn't going to be easy for Jack. Todd had faced so many truths about his life in the past and again very recently, she sensed that Todd was going to let Jack see a part of him he usually reserved for people who crossed him. She went to the stairs.  "Jack come down here this instant.  We need to talk some more."

After a few minutes, she started to head for Jack's room but Todd stopped her. "Which room Blair?"

She told him and watched as he headed up the stairs.

Todd arrived at Jack's door and heard loud music coming from inside. Jack probably turned it up so he wouldn't hear anything from his mom. Todd knocked loud enough for Jack to hear but not pounding. There was no response. Todd checked the doorknob and realized that Jack hadn't bothered to lock it. Big mistake. Todd slammed the door open and stepped into the room.

"What the... What are you doing here? You don't have any right to come into my room.  Does Mom know you're here?" Jack said angrily as he got off his bed.

"Actually Jack, I have every right to come into your room." Todd paused to shut the door behind him and lock it then he turned back to his son. "Now that I have your attention. You and I are going to have a talk."

"Hey, I don't have to talk to you, even if you are a relative. Did Mom call and tell you about me. What? So now you're going to get in my face like Shane's dad and tell me I should have left the wuss alone. What do you know about being a real man, you paint pictures for a living? You're as much a wuss as Morasco. My dad's a real man and he'd be behind me one hundred percent. He has no love for freeloaders like Morasco and Balsom, They're living at Aunt Vicki's and they don't even pay rent. They're worthless." Jack said petulantly.

Todd stared at his son in dismay. Jack was arrogance personified. He truly thought he was doing the world a favor by putting down Shane, and it's obvious even the fact that Shane tried to kill himself, didn't mean much to Jack. He really didn't care. Todd knew he was going to have to tread lightly or he'd come off as much of a bully as Jack. "So if I've got this straight, I'm not much of a man because I paint, Shane's not much because he has to use an inhaler but you're the 'it' guy all the kids admire because you were able to play a dirty trick on someone you didn't like. You're a big man on campus. That's how you see things and you think your father would agree with you huh. Well, you're wrong about all those things especially the part about your father agreeing with you because I can tell you right now your father hates everything you did to the other young man and, more importantly, he hates what you've turned into."

Jack jumped off the bed. "You can't say those things about my Dad you don't even know him. If my dad heard you talking to me like that he'd get you good. He doesn't take that kind of talk from anybody and he doesn't hate me, he loves me."

"Whoa, I didn't say he hated you, I said he hated what you've turned into. You're a bully, plain and simple. Jack, do you know anything about your dad's life growing up. I don't think you do, because if you did, you would know your dad hates bullies. I know first hand what he thinks of you and this bullying that you've undertaken with this Shane. My question is why? Why the urge to torment another classmate? What did this young man do, that you felt the need to humiliate him so much that he wanted to kill himself? What is it, Jack?  Does it make you feel good inside knowing that you hurt him, because if it does, then there is something wrong? Is it that you like the way your classmates look at you? You say you never meant to drive him that far. Your mom said you told her Shane was just weak and he couldn't take the heat. That's how you really see it don't you. Shane is weak so he gets to be knocked down. If he tries to commit suicide it's not your fault, it was all just a game. Isn't that right Jack." Todd watched his son as he had rattled off his statements and saw no remorse in Jack's face.

"You’re darn right it wasn't my fault," says Jack getting cocky. "Dad has always said only the strong survive and Shane is a wimp. He couldn't take the ribbing so he thought he'd try to off himself. Man, that's weak."

"STOP! YOU IGNORANT LITTLE..." Todd whipped himself around facing away from his son. For a brief moment, he wanted to smack that gloating smile off his son's face. In his mind's eye, all he could see was Peter standing gloating over him.

Jack fell back on the bed at the anger and rage he saw for a moment on Samuel's face before he turned away. For just a second he thought Samuel was going to hit him.

Todd took a deep breath and pushed back the anger. Then with his back still towards Jack, he frostily said "Do you have any idea how utterly arrogant and disgraceful that remark is." then he slowly turned back to his son, his hands tightly clasped together in an effort to keep his own anger in check. "You have no idea the damage you inflicted and you sit there and say Shane is weak because he wanted to commit suicide. Your dad contemplated suicide several times in his life. You didn't know that did you. You have no comprehension of the despair one can feel that would push them that far. You sit here in front of me all superior because you don't think you would ever do that. Listen up Jack, even you might someday find yourself facing something so insurmountable that you feel your only recourse is to end it."

Todd drew another deep breath and slowly exhaled; his son was sitting defensively on the bed having drawn his pillow around clutching it, staring up at him. Todd saw his son and realized that not only was Jack scared but he was exhibiting all the signs of someone who'd been on the same defensive side of things as Shane. Todd lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "Your dad faced challenge after challenge when he was younger. You have no idea what he lived through. Yes, he feels you have to be strong but not at the expense of another. Jack, you're breaking my heart and your mom's. What happened? Why did you feel the need to hurt someone? Who hurt you?"

Jack had grabbed his pillow and unconsciously held it as if trying to put a barrier between himself and the angry man standing over him. He had never been so scared. No one had ever been that mad at him before. He had wanted to run from the anger that Samuel was showing. Then Samuel changed and Jack saw something else in his expression. Jack saw love and concern staring down at him. This man, he barely knew, was showing him, love. It was weird to realize this stranger actually cared for him. The guy really was trying to help him. He had come so close to spilling everything earlier to Mom, and now Samuel was again offering help. He had never wanted Shane to get hurt. Not physically, it had just felt so good not to be the one being picked on.

Todd decided it was time to take this conversation down a notch. Todd crouch down until he was eye to eye with his son instead of standing over him. "Jack forgive me for scaring you. I saw something in you that reminded me of my adopted father and the way he used to gloat and call me weak. I don't want you to turn out like him. He was a cruel vicious man. If something has happened to you or someone has done something to you then tell me. I'll help in any way I can but I'm so worried you're headed down a path that will ultimately ruin you. I have to know one thing, tell me truthfully if you ever heard your father say that Marty deserved what she got." Todd waited for Jack to say anything, he didn't pressure him but he had to know.

Jack really wanted to trust Samuel, he missed his dad especially since Dani had arrived. His dad had just stopped being there and Jack kept trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Now his dad was in a coma and everything at school had gone haywire. Mom was mad at him and so was Starr. He really hadn't meant for Shane to hurt himself and he knew how stupid he had been to take Shane's inhaler. Samuel looked like he might be willing to listen, suddenly Jack couldn't help himself, he had to talk to someone.

"I didn't mean for Shane to get hurt really. We were just having fun.  It didn't seem so bad. It started when Shane kept having to use his inhaler and wasn't able to participate in gym, and, I don't know, I just thought he was getting away with things so I started calling him names. Then my friends started doing it too. I didn't know he was going to take it so hard, people used to call me names. I never told Mom or Dad because Dad had always said I had to be strong. He said Mannings didn't whimper instead we fought back. I couldn't tell Dad that the name-calling bothered me especially since it was because of things he had done. When Dad did his thing with Ms. Saybrook, they let him go.  They said he didn't rape her. The papers all said that Marty had asked for it. So Dad went free. That's why I said what I did to Mom I figured if she asked for it this time then she must have asked for it the other time. But Mom got really mad and slapped me. Samuel, she never hit me before. You looked like you were going to hit me too. I'm sorry I don't know how to fix this. Shane's dad is really mad and Mom and now you. Why are you so mad at me, it was just a game? He wasn't supposed to get hurt. I didn't want him to get hurt. I swear!"

Jack was pleading for understanding. Todd knew that plea. Over and over he had said something similar to Peter, not understanding where all the anger had come from, never knowing why he had incurred that anger. Jack needed to understand where the anger had come from.

"Jack, we realize you never meant it to go so far but it's your whole attitude that is causing the anger. You say you're sorry, then you immediately excuse yourself 'but it was just a game'. That's telling me you really don't get the damage you've done. We want you to understand the damage. If you're doing this because someone did this to you, explain, we can talk about how you feel. But don't use it as an excuse to do harm."

"I made excuses. I blamed Marty, Nora, anybody else for my plight. It wasn't my fault, they did it to me, and I wanted revenge. I went after Marty a second time and that is when I received this." Todd pointed to his scar completely forgetting, that Jack thought he was Samuel. "I was determined to get back at everyone, and the one I ended up hurting, in the long run, was myself. When I met your mom I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was the most hated man in Llanview and everyone thought I was responsible for two rapes, even my father petitioned that I be returned to Statesville. Your mom is the only one who believed in my innocence other than my therapist. Someone showed me exactly what I had done to Marty and it wasn't pretty. Believe me, when I tell you Marty never deserved to be raped and she certainly didn't ask for it. It was the worst thing I ever did in my life and there is no erasing the damage it caused. Through the years, I've made some other bad choices and they've all resulted in me hurting people. Some people I love have gotten caught in the wake of my errors, you and your mother are just two of them. Please Jack, what can I say to make you understand just how badly you screwed up?" Todd paused.  Jack was looking at him like he had seen a ghost. "What is it, Jack? What's the matter?"

Jack stared at the man crouched in front of him. Deep in the pit of his stomach, he began to feel strange. The man in front of him wasn't any old distant cousin. He was talking about Marty like he was there. Shakily Jack asked." Who Are You?" As soon as he asks the question, Jack wished he could take it back. He was afraid of the answer Samuel is going to give him.

At Jack’s question, Todd realized that he had accidentally started talking in the first person. He’d gotten lost in his memories about Marty and Nora. From the look on Jack's face, he had caught the slip, Todd knew he could try and correct the slip or go ahead and tell Jack the truth. Enough time had been wasted. Jack needed help right now and so Todd took the plunge. He straightened his shoulders and met his son’s eyes., "I'm your father, Jack."

Jack drew in his breath. Samuel was his father? It didn't make sense, but the way Samuel was remembering things about his dad's past was scary. He looked at Samuel "How can you say that? It's not true, my dad is in the hospital." Jack was almost in tears. “Why are you saying that?” Then Jack looked into Samuel's eyes, there was something so familiar about his eyes. His stomach lurched as he realized those eyes stared out at him every day from the mirror

"Is he Jack? The man you grew up with is in the hospital, but are you sure he's your dad? Because I'm sure I'm your father, I've known you from the moment you were born. In fact, I delivered you. Unfortunately, eight years ago someone took me from you and I've just now found my way back home. You don't know me but you need to know I love you. I understand you love the man in the hospital. All I can do right now is give you someone to talk to. Don't be afraid to talk to me Jack, I won't judge you. I'd be a hypocrite if I did. I've done far worse things in my life than what you've done to Shane, but I'm here so you don't make the same mistakes I have. I can see you're upset by my news and I meant to tell you with your mother present." Todd stood back up and looked down at Jack "What do you say we go find your mom and you can ask the questions swimming around in your head." Todd headed to the door. "Come on Jack."

Jack got off the bed and skirted gingerly around the man standing in front of him.  He got to his door and saw that Samuel had locked it. Glancing nervously over his shoulder, he noted that Samuel hadn’t moved and was just watching him silently.  Jack gulped and got the door unlocked and ran from the room.  

Todd shook his head and followed his son.

As they come around the corner they ran into Blair and Addie talking. Blair took one look at her son's face and knew that something serious has gone down in his room between him and Todd. "What's the matter, Jack?"

Jack stopped. He stared at his mom and back at Samuel, "Mom, Samuel says he's my dad. What's he mean?"

She frowned."What did you tell him?" She knew what the answer was going to be.

Todd said, "The truth.” He turned his gaze on Blair’s mother. "Good evening Addie, How was your day?"

"Probably better than yours, Todd. Blair tells me you found out about Dani?" Addie was never one to mince words.

Jack listened to the exchange between Addie and Samuel and realizes she called him Todd. "Grandma, why did you call him, Todd?"

"Because that's his name, Jack. Of course, he's calling himself Samuel so you won't confuse him with the guy in the hospital, but he's definitely Todd. I can tell, it's in his eyes. Don't you see it, Jack, I know you were little when you saw him last but don't you remember your father's eyes? There's a look he gets when he loves you."

Addie smiled at Todd and he shyly smiled back. No one in the world saw him the way Addie did. He cared a great deal for Blair's mother.

"Look let's take this talk downstairs, Jack is very confused. This is hardly the place for a serious discussion." Todd didn't wait to see if they followed because he knew they would.  He headed down to the living room and perched on the end of the couch waiting for them to come in.  His thoughts were all over the board. He’d never meant to blindside Jack with the truth, but now that his identity was out in the open, he had to find a way to connect with Jack. Until they got the drama out of the way concerning his relationship with Jack, they wouldn't be able to get back to the matter of the bullying. Todd nervously started to clean his nails as he waited for everyone to get settled.

Blair and Jack entered the room and Jack immediately turned to his mom. "Mom, you've got to tell me. What's going on? This is crazy. You don't believe this man, do you? He doesn't even look like dad. How can he be my father?" Jack turned back to Todd "You take it back. Why are you lying? My dad is in the hospital. I don't even know you. Grandma doesn't know what she is talking about. You're not my dad...you can't be my dad..." his voice trails off as he looks back and forth between his mom and Samuel.

His mom wasn't denying it. She was looking at Samuel the way people do when they're sharing some knowledge that no one else knows and Samuel was doing the same. Then Samuel looked at him. Jack once again found himself looking into those all too familiar eyes. What was it grandma said? Jack found himself remembering a time when he was just a little kid. He could hear a man laughing. It was a funny laugh almost like the man didn't laugh very often, then he remembered the man picking him up and he was looking into those eyes, the ones staring right at him.  He looked at Samuel and really looked at his face.

Another memory popped into his head of Starr showing him pictures of their Mom and Dad when they got married and her trying to explain that the picture was what his dad looked like first. Samuel looked a little like those pictures. Jack knew his dad had hated his old pictures, had said he was glad he didn't have that face any longer. Maybe the reason he hated his old face was because he hated the man with that old face. If Samuel was his real father? Who was the man in the Hospital that he called Dad? The more he looked at Samuel the more real he became in his mind, the old memory became sharper. Could it really be true? Jack sat down abruptly looking at both his parents. God, It’s true.  Dad isn't really Dad, and Samuel is. Jack felt totally confused and now his feelings were all tangled up."Mom what do I do?" he pleaded with a catch in his voice.

Blair went to her son and drew him into her arms giving him a hug. "You know Jack, it's a good thing. You have two dads who love you. Samuel is your father, your real father. His real name is Todd Manning. He loves you and has been away the whole time you've been growing up because someone did something to him and it prevented him from being here. He's not going to push you or make you do anything you don't want to do. But he does have the right to get to know you and he does have the right to be concerned with what you're doing right now." She looked over at Todd and smiled. She knew that Todd was on pins and needles wondering if his son was going to accept him. Blair hadn't seen Todd fidget so much since he arrived home from the hospital.

Todd looked at his son, "What do you say, Jack?  Will you give me a chance to be your father too?"