The MST, Ch. 16

Blair looked up at Samuel. If this was an alter of Todd's, how come he didn't seem aware of Todd. One thing she remembered about Todd's other alters was that they knew about Todd. That day when she had insisted Todd stop playing his game in front of Starr, he had acted just like Todd when he said he had made it all up. He even told Sam the same thing. Why had he let them believe it was all a lie. If he lied about his alters, then he also lied when he said nothing had happened. The events, as Tom told them at the trial, must have been true. God, Todd what you went through.

Todd's alters were real. One of his alters was standing here in front of her very much alive and real. He was very different from Todd. He was polite and caring. Samuel had an air of calmness that Todd never had. Todd was like energy, he had always been hard to contain. She had never known when Todd's mood would change. No one had met Samuel during that time. Why was he out now? What event had awakened this man and where was Todd? How was she going to explain all this to Samuel? Blair’s thoughts had been going a mile a minute and suddenly she realized that Samuel was still waiting for some response. Ok, Blair, you got to find the right words to explain your behavior to this man. Take your time. Blair looked down at the picture once more and gathered her thoughts. Not looking at him she remarked. "Oh my, I'm at a loss for words. This is really stunning. I owe you an apology. You are an excellent artist Mr. Toddman. Forgive me for thinking you were lying. My only excuse for my terrible behavior is the shock I felt when I first saw you. You bear an uncanny resemblance to my ex-husband whom I haven't seen for some time. Our relationship always leaned toward the bizarre. I really thought you were him trying to play mind games with me again." she smiled and then looked at him again.

Samuel simply nodded. " I understand. If I truly look like your ex then it must have indeed been a shock. Please don't think about it anymore and please accept the drawing as a gift. You are my first guest and I would be rude to take offense over a mistaken identity."

"I don't understand." says Blair, " What do you mean by the first guest? Surely you've had other people here."

Looking a bit sheepish, Samuel answered with a wry smile. "Actually I haven't. I'm a bit of a recluse and have tried to keep my life very private up until a few days ago. A couple of days ago an acquaintance of mine for the last seven years made a simple request of me. I was surprised but felt I owed him. He merely asked my name. I stood there that night and a weight lifted off my shoulders. It was time to live again not merely exist. So I gave him my name. Just being able to do that was momentous. So when you knocked on my door, another weight lifted and I was able to open it and not be afraid of what might be on the other side. After living all these years walled up here with just my girls for company, the past few days have been truly eye-opening. You, dear Blair, are only the third woman I had any real contact with since I arrived here."

Blair wondered why he was only referring to the last seven years. What about before that? Could he really have spent his time doing nothing but existing and painting? "Mr. Toddman."

"Please. Call me Samuel," said Samuel.

"Samuel, are you telling me you've had no regular contact for seven years, surely that has been confining. You've never wanted anyone else in your life up to now? What did you do before and why did you leave it to come and paint? " Blair asked.

           "Well, that is an interesting question, but before I answer that, why don't we return to the sitting room and have a drink. Maybe it's time I told my story." Samuel led her back to the sitting room and went to get some wine.

Blair sat down on the couch. It was disconcerting to sit among all the paintings, but she couldn't help looking at them and seeing the various scenes in front of her. She felt like she was getting a glimpse of Todd's soul as she realized what was depicted around her. His paintings of Vicki were superb. She recognized one of Vicki sitting on a bench and realized she had seen that bench in the cemetery. It was one of the places Vicki went to talked to Ben and Sloan. Blair's gaze fell on a painting of Tea, she was standing by the dock holding a necklace in her hand. Blair wondered when that event had taken place. She looked at it and was genuinely curious. She had become friends with Tea last year and could now think of her with Todd. But wait Tea wasn't with Todd. Boy, what a mess. Samuel came walking towards her with a glass of wine. She took it and looked at him.

Samuel sat down opposite her. He had seen her looking at the paintings. Did she know Vicki and Delgado? "I hope my paintings aren't bothering you. From what you told me earlier, I've been painting events in your life, perhaps it's time to explain that. You asked me a question in the other room. You wanted to know what I did before coming here and painting. Here's my answer. I don't know. Eight years ago I woke in a hospital bed and the only thing I knew was my name. I had no recollection of my life before then, and I still don't. Well, that's not quite true. I'm starting to remember a few things. The picture you found alarming, depicted a memory that has recently come to light. It is a dark memory but it helped me remember how I received this scar." He touched the older scar.

"From the look on your face, you wish to know how I got the other one. I can't tell you but I fear something equally horrifying is waiting for me to remember. I can't really explain how I've known all these events which you tell me are real, I only know that an image would come to me; of you, or Dee, or my serene one, and painting it would ease the pain or the loneliness I was feeling at the time. I will be truthful to you now, I've seen you one other time before you were at my door. Two days ago I saw you entering the gallery of my acquaintance Tomas. I didn't know at the time that you were my Muse, but something inside of me recognized you. Earlier today another memory returned. Three names came to me and I knew who they belonged to. They were only first names. But I realized they belonged to my three Muses. Vicki, who I know as my sister; Tea, who I called Dee, but now know she's Delgado; and you, Blair. All of you are important to me but I can't remember why. I think I do have some sort of connection to your Todd but I don't know what it is." Samuel paused and looked at his visitor. What must she be thinking right now? He knew what he would have thought if someone had just told him that story. He would have thought they were nuts. He took a sip of his wine. Should he say more or just let her dwell on the current revelation?

Blair was astounded. She didn't know what she had expected Samuel to tell her, but she hadn't figured on this. Good Lord, Samuel had only been around for a little under eight years. That meant he had shown up to shield Todd from something that happened at the time of Todd's disappearance, but that only explained his appearance. Samuel had no real memories of his previous life. "Samuel, what you're sitting here telling me is that your life is a blank slate before 2003. You said you woke in a hospital, didn't they have anything to tell you about what happened to you?"

           Samuel shrugged. "Unfortunately they could tell me nothing but that I had arrived severely injured and in a coma. Until I awoke I was simply a John Doe. I know that the injuries were extensive. I was a mass of broken bones that needed mending and I had badly burned hands. It took some very careful surgery to save my eye because of the laceration to my face. I tried constantly to retrieve my memories but all I got for my troubles was excruciating headaches that started affecting my heart. On the advice of the Doctors working to keep me alive, I had to stop trying to get my memories back. It was then I knew I just had to make a life in the present moment. Although my hands had been burned there had been no broken bones in them. I started carving as a kind of therapy and then discovered I could paint. When I left the hospital I made my way here to Paris. And here we are."

" You say you have no memories, Samuel. How do you explain all of these?" Blair said and waved at all the paintings.

"Blair, I've always thought they were just fantasies that I made up, to lessen the loneliness and despair I felt at times. You don't understand. There have been periods in my life here that brought me to the brink. If I hadn't seen Vicki one night, I think I would have killed myself. I had encountered a stranger one night that terrified me. The more I had looked at him the more I felt a coldness spreading through me. It made me realize there was something in me just like what was in that stranger. I sensed a blackness inside of me and all I wanted to do was get away. I was so close to ending it when I saw her. She was brave and confident, but then I felt a sorrow within so similar to mine. In my imagination, she reached out, gave me her hand, and promised to be there for me no matter what. That night I painted her. A couple of nights earlier when I was having nightmares, Dee came into my head, she appeared to me like a guardian angel and watched over me. She became my second muse. So you see, I had no idea they were memories. I only knew all of you were my saviors, my girls."

Her hand had gone to her heart as she listened to Samuel pour out his tale of despair. She knew what haunted him, but he had no idea. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and prayed they stayed there. Blair took a moment to compose herself taking a quick gulp of wine. It was too quick and she suddenly found herself coughing and the tears coming down her cheeks. Hopefully, Samuel would think she'd teared up because of the choking.

"Blair, are you alright." Samuel had seen her tears but when she started coughing, he just wanted to make sure the wine hadn't gone down the wrong way. The coughing broke the spell and the awkward moment passed.

"I'm alright Samuel the wine went down wrong. Samuel, you wondered if there was any connection between you and Todd and I believe there is and I think you might find some answers back in the States. Perhaps you would consider making a trip there." Blair inquired, looking hopefully for some sign that Samuel might take her up on the offer.

Samuel almost said yes right then and there. She was his Muse and he didn't want her to walk out of his life as quickly as she had entered, but he stopped himself. Something was telling him it was dangerous to involve her. He was sure someone had been manipulating him all these years and he had to find out who they were and take care of them. Then and only then could he begin his life again. Now it was time to let her go, but not for long. "Blair, for now, that mystery connection will have to wait. There is something important I have to attend to first. When I've finished with the task ahead of me, I'll be able to give my full attention to restoring my memories. But my dear, I just realized how long we've been talking. Please allow me to take you safely back to your hotel. I am grateful you sought me out this night. To hear your voice and see the real you fills me with such indescribable joy. I will try to see you once again if you allow before you return to the states."

Blair knew nothing more could be said at this time, so she replied: "Thank you for opening the door, Samuel. It means more then you can know to have finally found you and I promise you I will not leave without trying one more time to talk you into coming with me to the States. But for now, I would love for you to take me to my hotel, I apologize, I didn't realize the time." Samuel helped her up and together they left his apartment. As always in Paris, even though it was nearing morning there was a cab at the end of the block. They entered the cab and set off for Blair's hotel. Blair found herself beginning to nod off and suddenly she felt an arm go around her and draw her close. It seemed so natural, so familiar as she laid her head against his shoulder and fell asleep.

Samuel sat there listening to her breathing. This felt so good, so right. He instructed the driver to head out of town and drive through the countryside. She could sleep undisturbed for a short while then they would head back to her hotel. As he sat there he started seeing other moments like this. Samuel recalled an elegant room and her voice asking him to stay and keep her company and just hold her. He had done just that. She fit in his shoulder perfectly. They were in the stables just leaning against some hay, he stroked her hair remembering how long and silky it had been, then she had grabbed his shirt and put it on and gotten on the magnificent stallion he had painted her on. Samuel couldn't believe he was actually holding her. He thought of that last painting he had finished and marveled at the moonlight streaming in the cab, lighting her face much the way he had painted it. If he could have stopped time he would have done it right then and there. This was perfect, except it was incomplete. He had too many unanswered questions. If everything he remembered had happened, why were they not together?

The woman in his paintings had appeared to be a woman in love. He had been afraid to ask about the child he had remembered. He wasn't sure if Blair was the mother of the child or if he had just fantasized about that picture. On top of all his misgivings was one glaring fact. She seemed to be in love with her ex., Todd. He wanted to feel jealous, but truthfully he was just sad. He knew in his heart that he could never really compete with Todd. He would always fall short because he wasn't all there, something was missing. He knew he wasn't whole and wondered if he ever would be. The morning sky was alight with soft shades of pink as dawn was nearing. Samuel instructed the driver to head back to Blair's hotel. He would drop her off and then he needed to make a stop at the Gallery. It was time he had his chat with Tomas.

As the cab pulled up to the hotel, Samuel gently shook her. "Blair, wake up, we're here." She stirred and slowly opened her eyes. She looked up at him and he caught his breath, once again remembering that look from his painting. She smiled and whispered. "You should have woken me sooner." She reached up and pulled his face to hers and gently kissed him. Samuel couldn't have stopped if he had wanted to. He hungrily began kissing her back, drinking in her taste like a man parched with thirst. Years of yearning poured out in that kiss and she seemed as hungry for it as he was. An eternity seemed to pass in that one kiss, then they slowly parted. His heart was going a mile a minute but wasn't hurting. In fact, he had never felt better. He looked at her, trying to get an idea of what might be going through her head at the moment.

Blair was trying to catch her breath, she remembered waking from a marvelous dream of Todd and seeing him right in front of her. It had been so natural to greet him with that morning kiss but she hadn't been prepared for the passion that shot through her when Samuel returned the kiss. She closed her eyes and licked her lips trying to hold onto that memory as long as she could. No one before or since had ever kissed her like Todd. The feel of those lips had always taken away her breath and this morning was no different.

Samuel found it hard to take his eyes away from her face. His breath getting ragged as she licked her lips she looked thoroughly kissed but very contented. He smiled as her eyes once more met his. "Thank you. That was the most exquisite Good Morning I've ever received."

Blair smiled in response. "You're most welcome, Samuel, you are truly incredible too. Thank you for your shoulder, I can't believe I fell asleep. Please promise me that we'll see each other again."

"Don't worry, Blair. I promise that we are not finished yet. But before I let you go, what is your full name? I need to know so I can call on you later." Asked Samuel.

"Oh, I'm sorry, here we've exchanged kisses and I never told you my full name. Samuel, my last name is Cramer. Now don't forget. Just call the desk and ask for Blair Cramer, I'll be waiting for your call." At that, she left the cab and walked away into the hotel. Samuel stared after her for a few minutes. "I won't forget Blair and I will call." Then he instructed the driver to take him to the Gallery. If the last 24 hrs were anything to go by, Samuel was now sure he was jumping from the frying pan into the fire. But what a way to go!