The MST, Firestorm, Ch. 50

Todd looked at Blair as her mother departed. Addie was priceless. He was glad she was out of St. Ann’s, but she would definitely take some getting used to. "Your mother is giving us advice again. The last time we took it we made Starr. What do you think? Would this time be as momentous?"

Blair looked at him seriously and said, " I don't know Todd, I guess it would depend on the honesty needed to make a proper conversation. I don't think you're ready to make that commitment. I hope it won't take you too long and I'm putting my trust in you that you'll work on the problem with Ray. If you really want to make this work we're going to have to go back to when we first met and unload everything, so there will be no secrets between us any longer, I think you have some hard truths about yourself to face before we face the truths about us. Do you agree?" she looked at him waiting for his answer.

"Yes, you're right. I'm a mess and we can't really talk till I can get something straight inside first but you'll stick by until I do, won't you?" asked Todd.

"I'm here, and I'm staying. You'll need to do more than throw a temper tantrum to get rid of me this time," answered Blair.

Todd had to chuckle at her words. That's how she saw last night, that he had a temper tantrum. It really wasn't funny. If only she knew what that tantrum had almost cost him, Todd could feel him breathing down his neck. Pete was so close to taking control, even if his sessions started with Ray, Todd worried that he wouldn't be able to keep a leash on Pete. He and Ray would need to take measures that if Pete came out he would be restrained somehow. Todd checked the time most of the morning was gone now. He prayed he would hear some good news from Ray soon.

He had always hated having to wait for things to play out. He recalled what had happened with the whole Patrick fiasco. He had been forced to wait on Keneely and then everything had blown up in his face. An IRA terrorist had almost killed him along with Tea and Starr. He'd had to watch Patrick save them and then take the bullet meant for him. It had been a bitter pill to swallow, to owe his life to a man he hated. Even then his anger had been so close to the surface. One minute he had tried to love Blair again but then something would happen and the rage would rear its head and they would be even farther apart. He was so tired of the push and pull. His whole life had been that way and it was one treadmill he wanted off of.

Blair went up to check on the children and Todd went back to his desk to try and reach his contacts and get them working on the shadow companies. Starr got home from the hospital and they all sat down to talk about Manning and who might have wanted him dead. There hadn't been a change in his status.  He was still in a coma.  As Starr was talking about Manning, Blair had been keeping an eye on Todd to get his reactions to Starr's narrative. She saw how his eyes had narrowed and his hands had clenched when Starr had said she had tried to bring Walker around. Blair could see the jealousy warring across Todd's face because his daughter cared for this other man. He was trying so hard to not let anyone know how all this compassion for Walker was driving him insane. Blair's heart went out to him, and she went and sat beside him on the couch and laid her hands over his to give him her support.

Todd had been looking at Starr and listening to her words.   He could tell that Starr cared a great deal for Manning and he felt the rage from last night begin to surface. It was all he could do to sit there and act like it didn't matter that she loved Manning and wanted him to get better. He didn't wish the guy dead but he hated him for the love he'd received from everybody because they believed Manning was him. Not only had Manning stolen his life but he had been on the receiving end of the love of Todd's own family. God! That hurt. He felt Blair sit down next to him. What he didn't expect was for her to cover his hands with hers.  He looked away from Starr and into Blair's eyes and saw understanding and love for him, not for Manning. She had sat down to give him strength because she had seen how he was hurting. His anger suddenly dispelled and he took her hand and kept it with him as she moved closer beside him. For a minute he recalled that moment last night when he had felt her arms around him just holding him. With Blair right next to him, he was able to hear the rest of Starr's story. It still hurt as she talked of Tea and Jack but the anger was kept at bay because he had Blair's strength helping to keep it away.

Starr had been telling her story. She saw her mom move to sit by her dad and she watched the exchange that took place, oh so briefly. Something she didn't quite understand had just happened but she wasn't sure what that something was. She remembered being a little surprised when her mom had said she was staying with her dad this morning, that he needed her. Just what had happened to her dad?  He didn't look like he was any sicker. Why was her mom worried? Whatever had occurred had her mom sticking close by his side. Starr told the rest of the morning's events but this time she watched her dad a little closer. She noticed him grip her Mom's hand just a little tighter when she mentioned Jack's visit and again when she spoke of Tea. It was like he was using her mom to keep something at bay. His expression hadn't changed much since she had arrived back home. She thought he seemed distracted but he still wanted to know anything she might know about the shooting. When she finished her story, Starr got up and went and gave her dad a kiss and headed to check on Sam and Hope.

Todd and Blair watched Starr head up the stairs. They were still holding hands and Todd rubbed his thumb back and forth along hers. Blair had said she'd be there for him and she had done as she promised no questions asked. It felt strange. Just like that time in prison, the day after Powell had tried to rape Rebecca. He had hurt his hand the night before in anger and Blair had inquired about it at the time. The next day when she came to see him at the jail, she had seen his hand and immediately had grabbed it to see if it was alright. He'd been surprised at her concern like she cared for him even though they were barely friends. It felt like that, like he could feel her genuine concern for him, she wanted nothing in return, she was just there for him.

Starr brought Hope and Sam downstairs. She saw her dad on the phone, he seemed pretty intense. She headed to the kitchen and found her mom getting some snack for the kids ready. "Gee Mom, you must be clairvoyant. That's just what we came looking for.  Who's Dad on the phone with?"

Blair looked at Starr, "That's the call he's been waiting for. He's on the phone with his therapist. I think they're setting up a meet time."

"Oh, so Dad was able to talk his old counselor into helping. That's great. What do you think of all this, Mom? Do you think Dad's going to manage to reintegrate?" asked Starr

"Starr, 'Samuel' has a lot on his plate when he begins these sessions, I'm worried about his health as well as his sanity. You and I need to have a quiet conversation when it's just the two of us." Blair looked over at Sam and Starr realized the slip she had just made in front of Sam. She had called Samuel 'Dad', boy she prayed Sam hadn't caught that.

Sam had looked her way when she had said Dad. "Mom, I thought Daddy was in the hospital. Who's Starr talking about?"

Blair quickly moved to diffuse the situation. "Sam, your Daddy is in the hospital and we’re all hoping he gets better. Starr's been at the hospital all morning and thinking of Dad, and when she was talking about Samuel just now she accidentally called him Dad. It’s because Dad is on her mind. Do you understand?"

" Yeah, it’s like when Starr calls Jack, Sam or Me, Jack.  She's just confused sometimes."

"That's it exactly. You're very smart Sam. Now take a snack and a drink but be careful and not spill any. Here, Starr, you help Hope with hers. I'm going to take some coffee out to Samuel." said Blair. Blair left Starr with the kids and took some coffee out to Todd. He was just finishing his chat with Ray. She handed him the coffee as he hung up. She could tell he was anxious in the way he took the cup and then immediately set it down and started pacing. "What is it, Todd? Wasn't Ray able to get something set up?"

"What?" Todd looked around at her just then realizing she was in the room. He had been wondering if he was doing the right thing. Then he heard her question. " Yeah, he got something set up. I meet him at 2:00 pm tomorrow at the Clinic." He looked over at Blair "I don't know if I can do this."

Blair could see he was stressed out, the events from the previous night still weighed heavy on his mind. "Todd, I think you're strong enough to do anything when you want it hard enough. You need to look at it like you're getting ready to take on an enemy. Use that strength and I think you'll get through this. This is an enemy you have to face. You know it and I know it. I don't want to see Pete anymore, and I don't want you to be afraid that I will. Do you want me to go with you tomorrow? I will if you need me to."

"Blair what you did earlier meant a lot but I have to do this, there's not much you can do this time. You're right I need to face my enemy, I just hope I feel the same tomorrow," said Todd.

The rest of the day proved uneventful but Todd's mood was definitely somber. He tried to play with the kids but soon found himself distracted and told them Sir Dragon had to lay down. He retired to his room and didn't come out for dinner. Blair began to get worried so she had Starr watch Sam and Hope then she went in search of Todd.

Blair found him laying down but it was obvious it wasn't a restful sleep. Todd was tossing and turning on the bed and once again seemed caught in the nightmares that had haunted him the night before. Blair decided that she had to break this nightmare or he was going to hurt himself. Blair climbed into bed with Todd and embraced him when he turned toward her then before he could throw her off, she caught his mouth with hers and kissed him for all she was worth, praying to break through his dream and give him something to hold onto. He relaxed and stopped fighting and returned her kiss, his arms encircling her.

The kiss stopped and she found herself staring into his beautiful eyes.  Then he began helping her out of her top and she was feverishly trying to get him equally undressed, there was an urgency about it as they finally were able to meet flesh to flesh. She felt his muscles ripple beneath her fingers as they explored every scar. She found them erotic to touch sending shivers through her fingers all the while her body was responding to his touches and exploration. His mouth started exploring more of her and she gasped as her whole body quivered in anticipation. Delight took her to heights unimaginable, she was aching for him.  He took her, riding her like she would have ridden Araby then she returned the favor and rode him, her wild stallion to the ride's conclusion. She collapsed on him shuddering with tremors running through her body in the afterglow.

Todd laid her down beside him and gently began kissing her moving his mouth down her neck till he came to her breasts. He suckled one, tenderly flicking it with his tongue, knowing by her moans how close she was to the ecstasy he wanted her to reach, he moved to the other breast and treated it to the same special torture as Blair began to writhe in pleasure. All the while his tongue had been at work, Todd had put his hands to work touching and stroking her all over then his fingers once again found that most intimate place, he knew she was ready, and with one more flick of his tongue he maneuvered himself back on top and took the woman he loved finding her mouth as they soared to the heavens together. This time they came down exhausted and cradling each other they fell asleep.

Blair rolled out of bed not wanting to disturb Todd. After their lovemaking, they had both fallen asleep and Todd had been able to sleep dream-free. She knew he was going to wake soon and all his worries about the session would return in force. She wanted to make sure his morning went smoothly without any added problems concerning his issues with all of them. Blair went and got cleaned up as best she could, she was going to have to bring some clothes over if she was going to keep spending nights here. Blair found Starr up and doing some early studying. The kids were still asleep so she figured it was time to bring Starr into the loop about her father.

Starr looked up as her mother came down the stairs. She looked rather serious so Starr put her book down.  "What the matter Mom? Is it Dad? You didn't come back downstairs last night and when I took Sam and Hope upstairs it was quiet in Dad's room. He was OK wasn't he?"

Blair looked at Starr and said. "Your Dad is going through a lot right now. He's going to a therapy session today but I'm not sure he's up to it. Thank goodness Ray has it set up at Cherryvale Clinic, if anything occurs medically he'll be able to get help immediately. He refuses to let me go with him so I'm going to be a wreck this afternoon till he gets back safe."

"Mom, he's going to do it by himself, it's what he's always done. He hates when we hover. Are you going to wake Sam, he probably could go to school today? You didn't go to the hospital at all yesterday, don't you want to check on Walker." asked Starr

Blair poured a cup of coffee and sat down."Starr that's what I need to talk to you about. I told you yesterday that I was staying with your dad because he had a bad day the day before yesterday. I didn't tell you what I found when I arrived home after leaving you and your brother at the hospital. I found your father passed out on the floor by the fireplace. He had smashed an entire decanter of liquor on the fireplace just missing the portraits. At first, I thought he was drunk until I checked him out. He wasn't drunk, he was unconscious and in shock.”

“Oh, My God!  Mom, what happened?”

Blair took a sip of her coffee and continued.  “I knew something was terribly wrong so I tried to bring him around. It tore my heart in two when the only response I could get was an exhausted sob.  I realized he had been crying. Whatever had gotten him so angry had also hurt him worse. Now, this is conjecture on my part but I think your father is furious with us but he's keeping it hidden and I think the struggle to keep the anger in has him on the edge. That's why he destroyed the decanter but he couldn't bring himself to destroy the portraits so he deliberately aimed high and missed them. More importantly, I think he’s so deeply hurt by all of us he can hardly think straight, We've all been dealing with the fact that he is back and we've tried to keep him in good health but we've missed his pain. He came back to us, still loving us as if it were yesterday for him. He finds himself surrounded by the people he loves, loving someone else. I don't think that would have bothered him so much if the someone we were loving was a total stranger. But we're loving the man who literally took his place. We're giving our love to an impostor because we believed he was Todd. That's the biggest betrayal for your dad, we didn't even doubt that Walker might not be Todd, we just accepted it. It's like we stood there and drove a knife into your father’s gut and twisted it. That's where his deepest pain is coming from."

Blair paused, seeing tears welling up in Starr’s eyes.  She leaned forward and covered her daughter’s hand.   “Don’t cry, we just didn’t know.  Yesterday you sat there and talked about holding Walker's hand and trying to get him to wake up. You can't help yourself, Walker was your dad all this time, but with each word your father felt more pain. He loves you more than life itself and I’m sure he never would have believed that someone else could take his place. If you look at it from where he's coming from, then you know he thought you would have been able to spot the phony and it's killing him that you didn't. I sat up with your dad the night before last and watched as he struggled with his demons in his nightmares. Several times I almost call 911, I was so worried about him. Do you understand why I didn't go back to the hospital yesterday? I had to make him understand I saw his pain and I wasn't going to leave. Now he's going to go talk to Ray. If the baggage about his past wasn't bad enough, now he's carrying all this new anger and pain too. I'm praying he survives." Blair looked over to her daughter.

Starr was stricken. Was it true? How had they missed it? Long ago she had always been able to tell exactly what her dad was feeling. She had missed this anger. It just hadn't registered that there was more to his questions about Walker. She thought back two days ago when she had come rushing back home and just told her dad the Walker had been shot. She had just given him the information and rushed to the hospital to see Walker.  All thoughts about Walker being an impostor had flown out the window when she heard he had been hurt. She had treated her Dad like an acquaintance and left to be with the man who had been her father so long, never once thinking about how that had to make her dad feel. Her mom was right she had basically stabbed her dad through the heart and hadn't even realized it. It had seemed so cut and dried when she had moved into the penthouse. She had been mad at Walker and was so glad to see her real dad that she really hadn't thought about all the ramifications of loving both men or how her real dad would take that. Now in the clear morning light, she knew she had to find a way to let her dad know that she still loved him as much as ever. Nothing was going to take the betrayal away, they hadn't doubted and they should have, so all of them were equally guilty. The only thing they could do was show him he was worth something to them.

Before their conversation could go any farther, Todd and the kids began making their way down the stairs, Starr looked at her Mom and nodded. They tabled the discussion for a later time and began making plans for Sam and Blair to go home. Starr glanced at her dad and saw how difficult it was for him to act like it meant nothing that Blair was leaving. As she really looked at him she saw signs that he had been through more than she realized in the last two days. She hadn't seen it last night but it was there around his eyes, an almost haunted look. Mom was right to be worried about him going to this session alone. She suddenly had an idea.  "Samuel, I know you've got that appointment this afternoon but you're not supposed to be driving yet. I think you're going to have to let either me or Mom go with you to ensure you get there safely. I'm not going to take no for an answer. So who's going to take you, Mom or me?

Todd looked at Starr, he had been dreading the afternoon and now she had just given him a way to take Blair’s help after all.  Starr and Blair waited for his answer. Todd looked briefly at Starr and then turning his eyes on Blair he said. "Starr, you missed classes yesterday, you should probably try and go today.  Since you won't let me drive, I guess your Mom will just have to take me."

Blair smiled at him and said. " I'll be back as soon as I get Sam off to school and get cleaned up. Maybe we can have a picnic lunch before driving on to Cherryvale." Todd smiled back at her and seems a little cheerier.

"Good, it's settled then. Mom, you need to hurry and get Sam home and then on to school. Samuel, there are rolls and coffee in the kitchen. I'm going to feed Hope and then take her down to daycare. I'll come to keep you company until Mom returns, my first class isn't until 11:00 am." said Starr. She ushered her Dad toward the kitchen and her Mom and brother out the door. Then she gathered up Hope and joined her Dad in the kitchen secure in the knowledge that he was going to have someone who loved him by his side today.