"Todd, what is it? Are you alright?" Blair looked at Todd anxiously. He had nodded off soon after they had gotten in the car, she knew the sedative was the reason so she had just let him sleep. He didn't look relaxed any longer, he looked like he had in the sessions room right after he had ordered Rodd to stop.
"Damn! Damn! Damn! I can't get away from him. How come he just can't stay buried and out of my life." Todd pounded his fist against the door, then he turned his hand, studying the scars on his palm. "Why did you hate me so much?" he rubbed at his palm trying to rub out the scars to no avail. "How much longer Blair? I need some space. Damn, he sucks the air out of everything. Pull over I need to walk." Blair found a parking space. Todd hopped out and leaned against the car breathing in the air like he was drowning.
Blair joined him. The doctor had said Todd was going to feel the effects of the medicine through the evening. They weren't that far from the penthouse, the walk might do him some good. "Come on Todd, we'll walk the rest of the way. But hold my hand, the doctor said that sedative was going to stay with you awhile." They started walking but Todd was having trouble because of the drug so Blair put his arm around her shoulders and her arm around his waist and they continued toward the apartment. By the time they reached the front door, Todd was really unsteady.
Blair flagged the doorman. "Would you help me get Mr. Toddman to his home. The doctor gave him something a little earlier to calm his nerves and we thought the fresh air would help him clear it out of his system but it appears to have had the opposite effect." The doorman took Todd's arm and aided him to the elevator. Blair made a quick call to Starr and told her to have the door open, they were on their way up. With the help of the doorman, Todd made it to the couch. He thanked the man and relaxed. Blair saw the doorman out and informed him that Mr. Toddman's car was just a few blocks down from the penthouse. The doorman said he would see it got picked up and delivered to the garage.
Blair went and sat down by Todd, "How are you feeling? I should never have let you attempt that walk. We're lucky you didn't collapse on the way here."
"I'm groggy, sheesh I thought Ray said it was a mild sedative. I feel punch drunk but I'm afraid to fall back asleep. I don't want that dream anymore." Todd absentmindedly rubbed his palm again, lost in thought. "All those years he hated me, and I never knew the reason why. I took guesses when I was growing up. When he first started in on me, I thought he was mad because my mother had left. Then I watched him with his girlfriends. He didn't hurt them but he just used them and threw them away when he was done with them. I thought, if he felt that way about them, then he couldn't have really loved my mother. She was just another piece of property. He was just mad because she left before he could throw her away. I think I was convenient so he kept me around. I was his personal whipping post." Todd looked at Blair."He was a sadistic bastard! God, I hate that I wanted his love. I was such an idiot to want just one word of praise from him. One simple phrase, 'I'm proud of you.'" Todd choked back his tears knowing that it hadn't happened and would never happen.
Blair looked on, feeling helpless, she wanted so badly to console him but knew that Todd had to let everything out so he can heal. She realized more than anything else he needed to talk.
"Blair, he made a mess of me. No matter how hard I tried to put him behind me, and move on with my life, I couldn't. When I didn't get what I wanted from him I looked for it somewhere else. I became a Big Man on Campus, the Great Football Player. Sure I had my followers, but then I spoiled everything, I took out my frustrations and anger on Marty and all it did was make my life even more miserable than it had previously been. In my mind, I justified my actions and tried to act like Marty had asked for it. But inside my heart, I was just sick. I knew then I wasn't any better than my father. I had turned into the man I hated all because I couldn't have his love. How sad is that?"
He moved a few pillows and lay back on them."With Ray's and Rebecca's help, I saw I wasn't a completely lost cause. I tried to turn my life around and I almost succeeded. Then fate stepped in and that anger pushed its way back to the top. Unfortunately, you got the next backlash. I've never been able to get rid of the anger. I was hoping if I had more talks with Ray I could find a way back to the time when I thought I was finally moving forward again. But the talks haven't dispelled it. It's inside me churning away still festering even though I know what started it. Something's feeding it and I'm beginning to feel it has to do with that door and my dreams." his tears had dried, he looked at Blair and saw something in her eyes. "You know, don't you? You want to tell me, but I'm guessing if you just told me, something at this point would prevent me from hearing it. It's them, isn't it? My alters are protecting me aren't they or are they? It's not them, it's me. My God, I did this to myself."
Todd closed his eyes and confronted his brothers. "I'm right, aren't I. You're not holding me back, I am." He looked over at Ms. Perkins, "How long has it been?"
Ms. Perkins looked back at him. "Todd I can only tell you that it's been a long time. But you prevent me from saying anything else. We're here to help. Until you can find the one thing inside you to face it, there's nothing we can do. We can tell other people and we have over the years but you've shut us out. Today is the first time you've even come close to letting us help you. Don't give up, I think you're ready but for today you need to rest. You've put a lot of pressure on yourself to face this and you've been working equally hard trying to get your life back on track. Now you need to accept this one significant fact. You're not twenty-five any longer. Your body has had one too many shocks. If you're to survive this you have to have more patience. Ray stopped the session because he knew you were close to another attack. Tonight, let yourself relax, you need to heal. I know you want to find out now, but it's not going to happen."
"Why? Why isn't it going to happen? I'm here tell me." he watched as they parted and he saw what they had been standing in front of. It was the damned door. He tried to move to it but it was like walking through quicksand. He found himself getting more and more tired and he wasn't getting any closer to the Door. Then the door winked out. It was just gone."Where did it go? Ms. Perkins what happened?" There was no answer they had gone. Where had they all gone? Todd awoke with a start. "Ms. Perkins, Samuel, anyone, where are you?”
“We are right here Todd. Is something the matter?”
"Why did you leave?"
“We haven't gone anywhere. You've been sleeping.”
"What? No! I was just talking to you."
“Not to us, you must have been dreaming.”
Todd blinked and rubbed his forehead "I could have sworn..." he sat up and looked around and spotted Blair by the desk.
Blair had been watching as he had drifted off just after he seemed to come to a realization. At first, she had thought he was having a conversation with his Alters, but when she asked him a question and received no response she figured the drug had taken him again. She had just finished calling for some dinner to be delivered when she heard Todd's voice. "Hey Sleepyhead, I've got some food coming. Are you hungry?" asked Blair as she turned to face him.
Todd shook his head clearing the cobwebs. "Blair, tell me something. What were we talking about just before I fell asleep?"
"Don't you remember? We were talking about your anger. Well actually you were doing all the talking, I was just listening." Blair moved to join him on the couch.."Why are you asking?"
Todd thought back, his thoughts clearing up. "That's right and I realized something. It had to do with my Alters and myself." It all flooded back, all the emotions, the anger, and the fear. Everything that had brought the emotions of the morning to a head. Everything, along with the certainty that although he'd had a dream, the dream was the truth. The door was real and being protected by his Alters and behind that door was the answer he was seeking. Ms. Perkins had been right in his dream, he wasn't strong enough to open that door yet but he was going to be very soon. If he could face the truth he'd finally dispel the anger then he'd be able to confront Pete. For now, he was going to take Ms. Perkins's advice. He was going to relax, he knew the sedative still hadn't cleared his system, actually, it was making him feel kind of spaced out. It was a little hard to concentrate so he might as well find something pleasurable to wrap his mind around.
"Blair when's the food going to be here?" asked Todd. He looked her up and down and decided she'd make for a great diversion until the food arrived. He leaned forward and ran a finger around her lips then down her throat coming to rest just above her heart. Blair moved and sat on the edge of the couch as Todd moved to kneel in front of her. He began to slowly unbutton her blouse. Pausing every now and then to kiss first the pulse in her neck, then moving ever so slowly down as he exposed her silky flesh. "Um Blair, please tell me Starr and Hope aren't here," he continued to take his lips lower.
Blair was finding it hard to think. Feeling the heat rushing, as she breathlessly answered. "God Todd, we're alone. Oohhh" her voice petered out as Todd's fingers lowered the straps of her bra to free her breasts and began massaging them with his hands. Soon his mouth found one and he began sucking, pulling so lightly with his teeth then flicking the tip with his tongue. He worked it till it peaked and continued to massage and rub his finger over it as he turned his attention to the other. It was all Blair could do to remain seated as she began to tingle all over, she arched into him begging for more as he fondled her. feverishly praying for him to proceed, but he was determined to take his time.
Todd reached behind her and released the bra and removed it all together laying it aside with the blouse. He looked at Blair and pulled her to her feet placing himself right below her waist. She stood there entranced as he gently removed her slacks, then he placed his hands on her hips and lowered her panties till she stood naked in front of him, his hands began their journey at her ankles and traced up slowly from the outside of her legs scrolling delicately up her legs as stroke by stroke he painted an invisible design. Blair began trembling as his strokes came ever nearer to her, she was oh so ready. She looked down at him as he shed his clothes then continuing to kneel he started stroking her once again starting just on the inside of her ankle only, this time, his tongue was doing the tasting.
Blair began quivering as his tongue moved up her inner thigh as pulse after pulse of pleasure coursed through her. The higher he got the harder it was getting to remain on her feet. Suddenly he was there and the world exploded with sensations. She arched moaning as stroke after stroke took her to the stars, she felt herself being lifted and gently laid to the floor and then the sensations reverberated through her again as his tongue worked its magic across her body, every nerve tingled and she squirmed with delight as he entered and sent her spiraling once more. Never in her life had they made love like this. Todd was doing things to her that were so incredible she began to cry with the emotions he was stirring. "God Todd don't stop please it's so... god oh my... ahh please .." she couldn't get any closer to heaven than he was taking her.
At her words, Todd felt his own senses taking over as his every nerve felt the pulses running through her and into him electrifying the currents as he began spiraling up with her till the stars exploded in his heart and he collapsed, sated in her arms. He rolled off her and gently kissed her breasts slowly caressing her with his lips till he found her beautiful mouth and captured her lips with his, thanking her with a tender kiss. He raised his head, smiled down at her and said "I think I'm going to need a lifetime supply of that sedative. That was bloody fantastic." Todd reached across Blair's body and grabbed her clothes and then he proceeded to dress her as she laid in front of him till he had every button on her blouse back in place. He reached for his clothes next and as she watched, he dressed and then he stood, offering his hand he helped her off the floor. Standing face to face, he reached up and straightened her hair. Then he leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek, and whispered in her ear. "I love you." Todd smiled at her and nonchalantly wandered over to the bar. "Would you like a drink, Blair?"
Blair stared at Todd, she had never seen him so at ease and confident before. "Who are you?" she asked totally bewildered.
Todd looked over at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean where did you come from? You can't be Todd. My Todd never had moves like that. I love the way Todd makes me feel when he makes love to me but you, my god I've never felt like that with anyone before. Who are you?" Blair was literally blushing as she asked.
Todd smiled the sweetest smile she had ever seen. "You really liked it? Damn, I should have listened to him sooner. I always thought he was pulling my leg with all that talk. I guess he really knew what he was talking about." in his head, he heard the chuckling. "I'm no one but me Blair, I was taking some advice someone told me earlier. But thank you I'm glad I made you feel that way," he finished the drinks and handed one to Blair. " What do you think happened to our food. I'm famished." just then the doorbell rang and Blair went to get the food. She brought it into the living room and set it down on the coffee table. Todd walked into the kitchen and brought out plates and flatware and grabbed a couple towels from the bar and they sat down to eat. Blair continued to stare and Todd finally grinned. "I swear Blair, it's me and only me. If you don't believe me, we'll do it the other way later on. I promise."
Blair blushed. "What's come over you all of a sudden. Earlier you were so upset and tense even with the sedative in you, now you're sitting here enjoying dinner and making me blush. What happened?"
"You remember that little nap I took. Well, I learned several things during that nap. I found out I have a secret that only I can release. I found out that my alters have been really trying to help me from day one but I've been too stubborn to accept it. And it was pointed out to me that I'm not as young as I used to be and in order to recharge my batteries I need to find a way to relax now and then. This same person told me that if I just let my body heal some more instead of constantly pushing it past its limit, I might actually survive and really achieve my goals. So I decided to try it, I took the afternoon off and you know what, I'm taking tonight off too. Do you want to join me? I'll tell you what, when we're finished here we'll go get cleaned up. Then you run and do whatever errands you need to do and go home and get Sam and Jack and bring them over here later for a Screamfest movie night. Starr and I will have the popcorn and movies ready. Don't take a no from Jack, he needs something to take his mind off Manning and so does Sam. I'll call Starr and tell her she can invite her boyfriend over too. I haven't enjoyed a good slasher movie in ages." he looked at Blair and she nodded, "Great it's a plan."
Blair left after getting changed and ran to check back with Tea to see if any progress had occurred with Walker. Although he hadn't come out of the coma, his vitals had improved so the doctors were cautiously optimistic that he might be getting nearer to coming around. She found Jack wandering the halls of the hospital but his explanation sounded a little lame since school wasn't out yet. He didn't give a good excuse but she let it ride and told him he would be accompanying her and Sam over to Samuel's, for a family evening. She was still a little upset with a conversation she'd had with Dani about Shane. Dani had thought Jack had taken Shane's inhaler and Blair wasn't dealing to well with the idea that Dani might be right. She hadn't said anything to Todd because his thoughts had been wrapped around the session that morning, Now Jack's behavior was raising flags. Could it be true?
About an hour or so after supper, Blair and the boys headed for Samuel's. Sam was chattering away about getting to see Hope and his friend Samuel, and Jack sat pouting on his side of the car acting put upon. As they got out of the car, James pulled in and parked. He was carrying some movies and then he looked at Sam. 'Ms. Cramer, Starr told me to get slasher films, what about Sam?
"Don't worry about Sam. Sir Dragon has already got the best hiding place for Sam if he should get scared. But the kids are used to these movie nights. Although they usually have them with Mr. Manning. Oh, and Sir Dragon is Hope's name for Samuel. Come on, let's go introduce you to Samuel and take our minds off our problems for one night. You too, Jack."
When they arrived at the penthouse Todd and Starr were waiting at the front door. Starr made the introduction and watched as Todd shook James' hand. But before they entered the living room Todd told them they had to remove their shoes because Sir Dragon's cave allowed stocking feet only.
Sam wasted no time pulling his shoes off. Even Jack was curious as to what was on the other side of the door. Starr grinned at James as he shrugged and took his shoes off. Todd looked sternly at Blair. "Milady if you would allow me." and he got down and removed Blair's shoes."Honored guests may I welcome you to my humble cavern"
Todd opened the doors to a whole new world. The penthouse living room had been transformed into a gorgeous cave. Two unusual hanging lights hung from the ceiling giving off a soft glow. Dark brown velvet cloth was hung around the room covering every wall. Cushions and pillows in a multitude of rich autumn colors covered the floor, you couldn't walk without stepping on them. There must have been hundreds of pillows in that room. Against the fireplace wall, a big screen tv had a moving waterfall flowing on it. Even the stairs and been covered to blend with the room. Sam and Jack were already enjoying the cushions and pillows jumping to and fro around the room. James stood there stunned. He had never seen anything like it before. From the corner of the room, Hope squealed as she saw Sam, and Starr made her way to her daughter and set her down to enjoy the pillows too.
"Please, everyone make yourselves comfortable and Queen Starr if you and your young gentleman would be so kind as to pick out the first selection for the evening whilst I and my lady forage for beverages and food for this hungry horde. We will begin our evening momentarily." Taking Blair's hand, he helped her across the bouncy floor to the more stable footing in the kitchen where he gathered the drinks and she grabbed the numerous bags of popcorn. They made their way back into the living room where Jack was protesting the selection that Starr and James had made.
"I see I'll have to make the choice for the night" growled Sir Dragon. "Hold the two choices up but don't tell me which one you want to see. I will use my powerful deductive abilities to figure out the correct choice and my choice is final. Are we agreed?" Todd had James hold up one of the DVDs and watched carefully the reactions of the three parties. "Ah yes, an excellent choice." At his words, Starr grinned at James and Jack just stared impassively. "But we must also see the second choice." James held up the second DVD and Todd once more observed the three of them. Starr was holding her breath and James sneaked a peek at Jack, Jack was looking at him and not the DVD. Interesting, Jack was more concerned with Todd's actions than whether he got his choice or not. "Ah, another excellent choice. My decision for tonight is DVD number two as it is one I have not seen. Shall we begin?"
Suddenly as if by magic, the lights dimmed and a drawer opened at the bottom of the waterfall. "Young James if you would be so kind." everyone settled down. Sam moved in to sit close to Todd who held him close during the scary parts and Hope nestled between James and Starr. Jack began the evening sitting by himself but soon the dark atmosphere of the movie prompted him to move in between Todd and Blair. Before you knew it the girls were screaming and the guys were laughing. Jack was being very manly letting his Mom hold on to him and bury her face into his shoulder occasionally. He glanced at Todd who just smiled and nodded approvingly.
The movie ended and the lights slowly came up. Sam had fallen asleep in Todd's lap. Starr and James moved apart and James picked up Hope and Starr showed him to Hope's bedroom. Todd laid Sam down on the cushions for a brief moment so that he could get up. Then he began moving the pillows to make an easier path across the floor. Jack had gotten up and given his Mom a hand off the floor. Then he began moving pillows and stacking them out of the way just like Todd was doing. Todd picked up Sam and Jack moved the pillows that had been under his little brother. Starr and James came down the stairs to see what they could help with. They picked up what was left of the drinks and popcorn and returned them to the kitchen. Starr took James to the other side of the stairs and into Samuel's studio to let him see the view and her picture. Blair watched as her daughter stood looking out the window with James holding her from behind. Todd walked up to her, carrying Sam, "He seems nice enough, he better not hurt her. We better get Sam and Jack home. It's getting late. Starr, I'm going to help your Mom take your brothers home. I should be back pretty soon. If James is here when I get back we can talk. Jack, if you'll get the door we'll be on our way." They headed out. Todd had a good idea that James would be gone by the time he returned.
