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Thursday, March 31, 2011

The MST, Firestorm, Ch. 58 (Adult)

"Todd, what is it? Are you alright?" Blair looked at Todd anxiously. He had nodded off soon after they had gotten in the car, she knew the sedative was the reason so she had just let him sleep. He didn't look relaxed any longer, he looked like he had in the sessions room right after he had ordered Rodd to stop.


"Damn! Damn! Damn! I can't get away from him. How come he just can't stay buried and out of my life." Todd pounded his fist against the door, then he turned his hand, studying the scars on his palm. "Why did you hate me so much?" he rubbed at his palm trying to rub out the scars to no avail. "How much longer Blair? I need some space. Damn, he sucks the air out of everything. Pull over I need to walk." Blair found a parking space. Todd hopped out and leaned against the car breathing in the air like he was drowning.


Blair joined him. The doctor had said Todd was going to feel the effects of the medicine through the evening. They weren't that far from the penthouse, the walk might do him some good. "Come on Todd, we'll walk the rest of the way. But hold my hand, the doctor said that sedative was going to stay with you awhile." They started walking but Todd was having trouble because of the drug so Blair put his arm around her shoulders and her arm around his waist and they continued toward the apartment. By the time they reached the front door, Todd was really unsteady.


Blair flagged the doorman. "Would you help me get Mr. Toddman to his home. The doctor gave him something a little earlier to calm his nerves and we thought the fresh air would help him clear it out of his system but it appears to have had the opposite effect." The doorman took Todd's arm and aided him to the elevator. Blair made a quick call to Starr and told her to have the door open, they were on their way up. With the help of the doorman, Todd made it to the couch. He thanked the man and relaxed. Blair saw the doorman out and informed him that Mr. Toddman's car was just a few blocks down from the penthouse. The doorman said he would see it got picked up and delivered to the garage.


Blair went and sat down by Todd, "How are you feeling?  I should never have let you attempt that walk. We're lucky you didn't collapse on the way here."


"I'm groggy, sheesh I thought Ray said it was a mild sedative. I feel punch drunk but I'm afraid to fall back asleep. I don't want that dream anymore." Todd absentmindedly rubbed his palm again, lost in thought. "All those years he hated me, and I never knew the reason why. I took guesses when I was growing up. When he first started in on me, I thought he was mad because my mother had left. Then I watched him with his girlfriends. He didn't hurt them but he just used them and threw them away when he was done with them. I thought, if he felt that way about them, then he couldn't have really loved my mother. She was just another piece of property. He was just mad because she left before he could throw her away. I think I was convenient so he kept me around. I was his personal whipping post." Todd looked at Blair."He was a sadistic bastard! God, I hate that I wanted his love. I was such an idiot to want just one word of praise from him. One simple phrase, 'I'm proud of you.'" Todd choked back his tears knowing that it hadn't happened and would never happen.


Blair looked on, feeling helpless, she wanted so badly to console him but knew that Todd had to let everything out so he can heal. She realized more than anything else he needed to talk.


"Blair, he made a mess of me. No matter how hard I tried to put him behind me, and move on with my life, I couldn't. When I didn't get what I wanted from him I looked for it somewhere else. I became a Big Man on Campus, the Great Football Player. Sure I had my followers, but then I spoiled everything, I took out my frustrations and anger on Marty and all it did was make my life even more miserable than it had previously been.  In my mind, I justified my actions and tried to act like Marty had asked for it. But inside my heart, I was just sick.  I knew then I wasn't any better than my father. I had turned into the man I hated all because I couldn't have his love. How sad is that?"


He moved a few pillows and lay back on them."With Ray's and Rebecca's help, I saw I wasn't a completely lost cause. I tried to turn my life around and I almost succeeded. Then fate stepped in and that anger pushed its way back to the top. Unfortunately, you got the next backlash. I've never been able to get rid of the anger. I was hoping if I had more talks with Ray I could find a way back to the time when I thought I was finally moving forward again. But the talks haven't dispelled it. It's inside me churning away still festering even though I know what started it. Something's feeding it and I'm beginning to feel it has to do with that door and my dreams." his tears had dried, he looked at Blair and saw something in her eyes. "You know, don't you? You want to tell me, but I'm guessing if you just told me, something at this point would prevent me from hearing it. It's them, isn't it? My alters are protecting me aren't they or are they? It's not them, it's me. My God, I did this to myself."


Todd closed his eyes and confronted his brothers. "I'm right, aren't I. You're not holding me back, I am." He looked over at Ms. Perkins, "How long has it been?"


Ms. Perkins looked back at him. "Todd I can only tell you that it's been a long time. But you prevent me from saying anything else. We're here to help. Until you can find the one thing inside you to face it, there's nothing we can do. We can tell other people and we have over the years but you've shut us out. Today is the first time you've even come close to letting us help you. Don't give up, I think you're ready but for today you need to rest. You've put a lot of pressure on yourself to face this and you've been working equally hard trying to get your life back on track. Now you need to accept this one significant fact. You're not twenty-five any longer. Your body has had one too many shocks. If you're to survive this you have to have more patience. Ray stopped the session because he knew you were close to another attack. Tonight, let yourself relax, you need to heal. I know you want to find out now, but it's not going to happen."


"Why? Why isn't it going to happen? I'm here tell me." he watched as they parted and he saw what they had been standing in front of. It was the damned door. He tried to move to it but it was like walking through quicksand. He found himself getting more and more tired and he wasn't getting any closer to the Door. Then the door winked out. It was just gone."Where did it go? Ms. Perkins what happened?" There was no answer they had gone. Where had they all gone? Todd awoke with a start. "Ms. Perkins, Samuel, anyone, where are you?”


“We are right here Todd. Is something the matter?”


"Why did you leave?"


“We haven't gone anywhere. You've been sleeping.”


"What? No! I was just talking to you."


“Not to us, you must have been dreaming.”


Todd blinked and rubbed his forehead "I could have sworn..." he sat up and looked around and spotted Blair by the desk.


Blair had been watching as he had drifted off just after he seemed to come to a realization. At first, she had thought he was having a conversation with his Alters, but when she asked him a question and received no response she figured the drug had taken him again. She had just finished calling for some dinner to be delivered when she heard Todd's voice. "Hey Sleepyhead, I've got some food coming.  Are you hungry?" asked Blair as she turned to face him.


Todd shook his head clearing the cobwebs. "Blair, tell me something. What were we talking about just before I fell asleep?"


"Don't you remember? We were talking about your anger. Well actually you were doing all the talking, I was just listening." Blair moved to join him on the couch.."Why are you asking?"


Todd thought back, his thoughts clearing up. "That's right and I realized something. It had to do with my Alters and myself." It all flooded back, all the emotions, the anger, and the fear.  Everything that had brought the emotions of the morning to a head. Everything, along with the certainty that although he'd had a dream, the dream was the truth. The door was real and being protected by his Alters and behind that door was the answer he was seeking. Ms. Perkins had been right in his dream, he wasn't strong enough to open that door yet but he was going to be very soon. If he could face the truth he'd finally dispel the anger then he'd be able to confront Pete. For now, he was going to take Ms. Perkins's advice. He was going to relax, he knew the sedative still hadn't cleared his system, actually, it was making him feel kind of spaced out. It was a little hard to concentrate so he might as well find something pleasurable to wrap his mind around.


"Blair when's the food going to be here?" asked Todd. He looked her up and down and decided she'd make for a great diversion until the food arrived. He leaned forward and ran a finger around her lips then down her throat coming to rest just above her heart. Blair moved and sat on the edge of the couch as Todd moved to kneel in front of her. He began to slowly unbutton her blouse. Pausing every now and then to kiss first the pulse in her neck, then moving ever so slowly down as he exposed her silky flesh.  "Um Blair, please tell me Starr and Hope aren't here," he continued to take his lips lower.


Blair was finding it hard to think. Feeling the heat rushing, as she breathlessly answered. "God Todd, we're alone. Oohhh" her voice petered out as Todd's fingers lowered the straps of her bra to free her breasts and began massaging them with his hands. Soon his mouth found one and he began sucking, pulling so lightly with his teeth then flicking the tip with his tongue. He worked it till it peaked and continued to massage and rub his finger over it as he turned his attention to the other. It was all Blair could do to remain seated as she began to tingle all over, she arched into him begging for more as he fondled her. feverishly praying for him to proceed, but he was determined to take his time.


Todd reached behind her and released the bra and removed it all together laying it aside with the blouse. He looked at Blair and pulled her to her feet placing himself right below her waist. She stood there entranced as he gently removed her slacks, then he placed his hands on her hips and lowered her panties till she stood naked in front of him, his hands began their journey at her ankles and traced up slowly from the outside of her legs scrolling delicately up her legs as stroke by stroke he painted an invisible design. Blair began trembling as his strokes came ever nearer to her, she was oh so ready. She looked down at him as he shed his clothes then continuing to kneel he started stroking her once again starting just on the inside of her ankle only, this time, his tongue was doing the tasting.  


Blair began quivering as his tongue moved up her inner thigh as pulse after pulse of pleasure coursed through her. The higher he got the harder it was getting to remain on her feet. Suddenly he was there and the world exploded with sensations. She arched moaning as stroke after stroke took her to the stars, she felt herself being lifted and gently laid to the floor and then the sensations reverberated through her again as his tongue worked its magic across her body, every nerve tingled and she squirmed with delight as he entered and sent her spiraling once more. Never in her life had they made love like this. Todd was doing things to her that were so incredible she began to cry with the emotions he was stirring. "God Todd don't stop please it's so... god oh my... ahh please .." she couldn't get any closer to heaven than he was taking her.


At her words, Todd felt his own senses taking over as his every nerve felt the pulses running through her and into him electrifying the currents as he began spiraling up with her till the stars exploded in his heart and he collapsed, sated in her arms. He rolled off her and gently kissed her breasts slowly caressing her with his lips till he found her beautiful mouth and captured her lips with his, thanking her with a tender kiss. He raised his head, smiled down at her and said "I think I'm going to need a lifetime supply of that sedative. That was bloody fantastic." Todd reached across Blair's body and grabbed her clothes and then he proceeded to dress her as she laid in front of him till he had every button on her blouse back in place. He reached for his clothes next and as she watched, he dressed and then he stood, offering his hand he helped her off the floor. Standing face to face, he reached up and straightened her hair. Then he leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek, and whispered in her ear. "I love you." Todd smiled at her and nonchalantly wandered over to the bar. "Would you like a drink, Blair?"


Blair stared at Todd, she had never seen him so at ease and confident before. "Who are you?" she asked totally bewildered.


Todd looked over at her. "What do you mean?"


"I mean where did you come from? You can't be Todd. My Todd never had moves like that. I love the way Todd makes me feel when he makes love to me but you, my god I've never felt like that with anyone before. Who are you?" Blair was literally blushing as she asked.


Todd smiled the sweetest smile she had ever seen. "You really liked it? Damn, I should have listened to him sooner. I always thought he was pulling my leg with all that talk. I guess he really knew what he was talking about." in his head, he heard the chuckling. "I'm no one but me Blair, I was taking some advice someone told me earlier. But thank you I'm glad I made you feel that way," he finished the drinks and handed one to Blair. " What do you think happened to our food. I'm famished." just then the doorbell rang and Blair went to get the food. She brought it into the living room and set it down on the coffee table. Todd walked into the kitchen and brought out plates and flatware and grabbed a couple towels from the bar and they sat down to eat. Blair continued to stare and Todd finally grinned. "I swear Blair, it's me and only me. If you don't believe me, we'll do it the other way later on.  I promise."


Blair blushed. "What's come over you all of a sudden. Earlier you were so upset and tense even with the sedative in you, now you're sitting here enjoying dinner and making me blush. What happened?"


"You remember that little nap I took. Well, I learned several things during that nap. I found out I have a secret that only I can release. I found out that my alters have been really trying to help me from day one but I've been too stubborn to accept it. And it was pointed out to me that I'm not as young as I used to be and in order to recharge my batteries I need to find a way to relax now and then. This same person told me that if I just let my body heal some more instead of constantly pushing it past its limit, I might actually survive and really achieve my goals. So I decided to try it, I took the afternoon off and you know what, I'm taking tonight off too. Do you want to join me? I'll tell you what, when we're finished here we'll go get cleaned up. Then you run and do whatever errands you need to do and go home and get Sam and Jack and bring them over here later for a Screamfest movie night. Starr and I will have the popcorn and movies ready. Don't take a no from Jack, he needs something to take his mind off Manning and so does Sam. I'll call Starr and tell her she can invite her boyfriend over too. I haven't enjoyed a good slasher movie in ages." he looked at Blair and she nodded, "Great it's a plan."


Blair left after getting changed and ran to check back with Tea to see if any progress had occurred with Walker. Although he hadn't come out of the coma, his vitals had improved so the doctors were cautiously optimistic that he might be getting nearer to coming around. She found Jack wandering the halls of the hospital but his explanation sounded a little lame since school wasn't out yet. He didn't give a good excuse but she let it ride and told him he would be accompanying her and Sam over to Samuel's, for a family evening. She was still a little upset with a conversation she'd had with Dani about Shane. Dani had thought Jack had taken Shane's inhaler and Blair wasn't dealing to well with the idea that Dani might be right. She hadn't said anything to Todd because his thoughts had been wrapped around the session that morning, Now Jack's behavior was raising flags.  Could it be true?


About an hour or so after supper, Blair and the boys headed for Samuel's. Sam was chattering away about getting to see Hope and his friend Samuel, and Jack sat pouting on his side of the car acting put upon. As they got out of the car, James pulled in and parked. He was carrying some movies and then he looked at Sam. 'Ms. Cramer, Starr told me to get slasher films, what about Sam?


"Don't worry about Sam. Sir Dragon has already got the best hiding place for Sam if he should get scared. But the kids are used to these movie nights. Although they usually have them with Mr. Manning. Oh, and Sir Dragon is Hope's name for Samuel. Come on, let's go introduce you to Samuel and take our minds off our problems for one night. You too, Jack."

When they arrived at the penthouse Todd and Starr were waiting at the front door. Starr made the introduction and watched as Todd shook James' hand. But before they entered the living room Todd told them they had to remove their shoes because Sir Dragon's cave allowed stocking feet only.


Sam wasted no time pulling his shoes off. Even Jack was curious as to what was on the other side of the door. Starr grinned at James as he shrugged and took his shoes off. Todd looked sternly at Blair. "Milady if you would allow me." and he got down and removed Blair's shoes."Honored guests may I welcome you to my humble cavern"


Todd opened the doors to a whole new world. The penthouse living room had been transformed into a gorgeous cave. Two unusual hanging lights hung from the ceiling giving off a soft glow.  Dark brown velvet cloth was hung around the room covering every wall. Cushions and pillows in a multitude of rich autumn colors covered the floor, you couldn't walk without stepping on them. There must have been hundreds of pillows in that room. Against the fireplace wall, a big screen tv had a moving waterfall flowing on it. Even the stairs and been covered to blend with the room. Sam and Jack were already enjoying the cushions and pillows jumping to and fro around the room. James stood there stunned. He had never seen anything like it before. From the corner of the room, Hope squealed as she saw Sam, and Starr made her way to her daughter and set her down to enjoy the pillows too.


"Please, everyone make yourselves comfortable and Queen Starr if you and your young gentleman would be so kind as to pick out the first selection for the evening whilst I and my lady forage for beverages and food for this hungry horde. We will begin our evening momentarily." Taking Blair's hand, he helped her across the bouncy floor to the more stable footing in the kitchen where he gathered the drinks and she grabbed the numerous bags of popcorn. They made their way back into the living room where Jack was protesting the selection that Starr and James had made.


"I see I'll have to make the choice for the night" growled Sir Dragon. "Hold the two choices up but don't tell me which one you want to see. I will use my powerful deductive abilities to figure out the correct choice and my choice is final. Are we agreed?" Todd had James hold up one of the DVDs and watched carefully the reactions of the three parties. "Ah yes, an excellent choice." At his words, Starr grinned at James and Jack just stared impassively. "But we must also see the second choice." James held up the second DVD and Todd once more observed the three of them. Starr was holding her breath and James sneaked a peek at Jack, Jack was looking at him and not the DVD. Interesting, Jack was more concerned with Todd's actions than whether he got his choice or not. "Ah, another excellent choice. My decision for tonight is DVD number two as it is one I have not seen. Shall we begin?"


Suddenly as if by magic, the lights dimmed and a drawer opened at the bottom of the waterfall. "Young James if you would be so kind." everyone settled down. Sam moved in to sit close to Todd who held him close during the scary parts and Hope nestled between James and Starr. Jack began the evening sitting by himself but soon the dark atmosphere of the movie prompted him to move in between Todd and Blair. Before you knew it the girls were screaming and the guys were laughing. Jack was being very manly letting his Mom hold on to him and bury her face into his shoulder occasionally. He glanced at Todd who just smiled and nodded approvingly.


The movie ended and the lights slowly came up. Sam had fallen asleep in Todd's lap. Starr and James moved apart and James picked up Hope and Starr showed him to Hope's bedroom. Todd laid Sam down on the cushions for a brief moment so that he could get up. Then he began moving the pillows to make an easier path across the floor. Jack had gotten up and given his Mom a hand off the floor. Then he began moving pillows and stacking them out of the way just like Todd was doing. Todd picked up Sam and Jack moved the pillows that had been under his little brother. Starr and James came down the stairs to see what they could help with. They picked up what was left of the drinks and popcorn and returned them to the kitchen. Starr took James to the other side of the stairs and into Samuel's studio to let him see the view and her picture. Blair watched as her daughter stood looking out the window with James holding her from behind. Todd walked up to her, carrying Sam, "He seems nice enough, he better not hurt her. We better get Sam and Jack home. It's getting late. Starr, I'm going to help your Mom take your brothers home. I should be back pretty soon. If James is here when I get back we can talk. Jack, if you'll get the door we'll be on our way." They headed out. Todd had a good idea that James would be gone by the time he returned.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The MST, Firestorm, Ch. 57

Blair looked over at Tea. " I'm sorry. If you had talked to Todd when you saw me in ICU this might have been prevented. We didn't know who was involved and Bo agreed that it wasn't time for Todd to show himself. Can you forgive me? I was so worried about Todd. You saw him yesterday. He's battling his anger, his body and himself. Tea, it's tearing him apart. You've got to realize that from his point of view we all betrayed him. We believed an impostor. His anger almost got the better of him the other night. It's raging just below the surface. Yesterday all it took was a little push and Pete broke free. He knows how volatile Pete is and Todd's terrified for all of us. Pete wants revenge on all who betrayed him. Todd has earnestly started therapy with a counselor from a long time ago. You met him yesterday. Ray is working hard to help Todd find a way to control or eliminate Pete. Todd's finally facing some hard truths about his life. I only pray he'll survive the therapy.”


Blair paused as Tea’s eyes shifted once again to her husband.  “I don't know if I've helped or hurt you more by what we've talked about. You're in an entirely different position than I am. You're married to a man you believed to be Todd Manning. If it's any comfort I believe he truly thinks he is Todd Manning. You've both been deceived by Carlo. You love him and so do I and the kids. Vicki is also torn between her real brother and the man she's believed to be her brother all this time. This whole mess isn't going to get untangled easily. When the truth comes out, the shockwave will very likely disrupt the entire town." Blair got up and hugged Tea, "You take care. I'll check back later to see if he's improved at all."


Tea watched her leave, then reached over and took her husband's hand. "You're my husband and I love you no matter who you are. Just come back to me and then we'll sort it all out later."


Blair entered the penthouse to find the downstairs dark. She walked into the living room and saw him resting on the couch. She didn't want to wake him so she headed to the kitchen and found Starr and Hope having a late lunch. She realized she hadn't had breakfast so she joined them and ate some lunch. Starr told her Todd had been resting as ordered. She had been about to go wake him to give him some lunch but Blair said she'd do it. Blair fixed a tray and carried it out and set it on the coffee table. Then she sat close to him on the couch and carefully woke him.


Todd jerked awake and immediately regretted it.  "Damn Blair, next time you knock me out, how about using something like a pillow or marshmallow," he sat up gingerly, holding his head.


"HaHa, Todd I'll go design a Knockout Pillow just for you. I brought you some lunch and I've got some news. I think we have another connection to the Kipling Facility." Said Blair.


Todd's eyes found her's, "What happened Blair? Where have you been?"


“I've been to see Tea. I had to see how she was doing after yesterday's revelations. I filled her in as much as possible and tried to make her understand why we hadn't let her in on your return. I think she accepts the reasons for the deceit, but it's going to take time for her to come to terms with it all. It turns out she did do a little investigating on her own last night. She found where Walker kept his stash of portraits and by accident, she found a prescription bottle for Walker from a Doctor Kipling. The doctor at the hospital informed us that the pills in the bottle didn't match the label. I called Bo, he has the bottle and is having the medicine analyzed to find out what it really is. The Hospital is also doing its own checking because the doctor believes the medicine might have something to do with Walker's coma. There's a very good chance that Dr. Kipling works for the Kipling Neuroscience Research Facility. If the pills are harmful then Dr. Kipling just got more interesting in the part he's been playing in all of this." Blair smiled at Todd, glad she could bring him some good news.


Todd smiled at Blair's glee. She was so glad to be helping him, it kind of reminded him of the early days when the two of them had schemed to outdo Max and Luna, or when Blair had helped him get the Sun started. They had worked well together. Blair was right, the information she had just gotten did prove that Manning was involved with the Research Facility. He knew they were tightening the noose around Carlo's neck. He prayed that Carlo would soon be brought to Llanview so Todd could get his revenge.


The phone rang and Blair answered. "Yes, I understand. I'll ask him, hold on." Blair looked at Todd, "It's Ray, he can get the room tomorrow if you're up to another session." Todd nodded. "It's a go, Ray. What time tomorrow? Ten O'clock will be fine. We'll see you then."


Blair glanced at Todd after she hung up the phone. "Are you sure you're up to this? You could wait another day."


"No, I can't. Blair, yesterday opened my eyes to a number of things. The biggest thing was that I have to stop hiding. I got to get this done before Pete gets out and prevents it. Tell me you understand and promise me you'll be there next to me. I need the strength I get from you." Todd gripped her hand.


" I promise, Todd. We'll face it together."


Todd pulled her close, studying her face as she knelt on the floor in front of him. He cradled her face and slowly kissed her, then drew her up to his lap and thanked her properly.


****


Todd carefully rolled out of bed, standing up slowly when the room swayed a little bit. He made his way to the shower and let the warm water flow down easing the aching head and muscles. He walked over to the mirror and looked at his reflection. "Samuel is Pete restrained. I can't afford another episode like the last one. Tell me you have him covered."

“Relax Todd, Ms. Perkins and I have things under control. We'll keep him that way I promise.”


"Thanks, Samuel" Todd turned and went downstairs to find out Starr's plans for the day. She had made plans to see Walker and then spend a portion of her day with James. He sat down and had a cup of coffee with her and told her about the prescription Walker had been taking. He informed her that they were in the process of analyzing it to see if it was the cause of the coma.


Todd's phone rang. It was the commissioner. He listened and then hung up. Todd looked over at Starr. "It appears that someone's been giving Manning hallucinogens while making him think he was taking pain medication. Although the dose was small, if he's been taking them for a while then they've built up in his system and could easily have changed his brain chemistry enough to be a cause of his coma. The Doctor is going to try to counteract the effects but it will be a while before they'll know anything positive. If you see Tea, tell her I'm sorry."


Starr agreed to deliver the message and bundled up Hope and headed out. Todd got back on the laptop to read up on the techniques for the integration of personalities. He wondered if he would ever truly be integrated because he didn't want to give up his Alters, he just wanted to eliminate one. He was still reading when Blair arrived.


She greeted him with a kiss and asked "Todd, how's your head. You're sure you want to do this today."


"The answer is still the same as yesterday, Blair. I don't think I have a choice I need to be in full control and right now that isn't happening. Shall we go?" Todd got up and grabbed her hand. "Come on Chauffeur."


On the drive to Cherryvale Todd informed Blair of Bo's call and told her the results of the analysis. Blair was stunned and worried. "Todd, Carlo means business and if we're not careful, he might come after you next."


"I'll take my chances. He already took eight years of my life. I'm going to get him Blair." replied Todd


They arrived at the clinic and headed to the session room. Ray was waiting with a doctor and nurse as he had promised. The Doctor checked out Todd's eyes to make sure he had no lingering effects from the concussion.  It was agreed that the nurse would stay and the doctor would be on call should an emergency arise. Ray waited till all were comfortably seated and said "Ok Todd, you and Tom had some horrifying stories to tell the other day. I want to know how it made you feel when Peter upped his abuse. You would agree that Peter abused you right."


Todd looked at Ray. "How did I feel? I don't know, I felt a lot of things. I was bewildered and scared and hurt. I couldn't figure out what I had done to make him want to hurt me that way. I would try to do what he wanted but that sometimes made it worse."


Ray inquired, "But didn't that make you mad? Didn't you want an explanation? He was hurting you, surely you deserved a reason? Why didn't you ask?"


"You didn't ask my father anything. You were supposed to accept whatever he chose to do or face the consequences. I told you I was scared, he loved to dole out consequences." said Todd, he reached over and took Blair's hand.


"Why did you just do that, Todd?" asked Ray.


Todd looked at Ray. "Why did I do what?"


"Why did you reach for Blair's hand ." Ray looked at Todd. he watched as Todd looked down and saw his bewilderment. Interesting. Todd hadn't reached, someone else had.


Todd didn't relinquish Blairs hand but he did look at her. " I didn't know I had grabbed it," he looked across at Ray "What's going on?" with his other hand Todd rubbed his eyes. He couldn't seem to focus. It was like he was seeing double. Then he heard Tom "Wow, This is cool. Hey watch Todd," Todd watched as the hand that was holding Blair's hand dropped it, then proceeded to wave in the air like he was conducting a band. "Tom, Stop that!" Todd's hand dropped. Todd concentrated and reached for Blair's hand, nothing happened. He looked back over at Ray who was watching with great interest. Todd said. " It appears Tom wants attention. I don't know how but he's got partial control of me. Any suggestions? This has never happened before. At least not that I remember."


Ray sat back.  This was simply fascinating. He could tell that Blair and the nurse were also intrigued. "Well Todd, if I had to guess, I'd say Tom wants in on the conversation. We can continue or you can listen to Tom talk for a while or you both can give me answers. It's your choice."


Todd looked over at Blair and she shrugged." Hey, it's your body, I don't know what to tell you."


"Tom, if we're going to do this, no more shenanigans. If you want to talk say so and you can put in your two cents worth. Agreed"

“Agreed Todd.” said Tom  “Can I say something now, you need to know this.”

"What is so important Tom?"

“It's about consequences Todd. You need to know more about the consequences.”


Todd looked at Ray "Did you just hear all that? I don't understand what he's talking about."


"Ask him, Todd," said Ray.


"Ok Tom, what is it about consequences? Like I told Ray I usually avoided them," said Todd


"That's just it Todd, you didn't avoid them. You let me avoid them. Come on, remember? said Tom "Remember when I asked him why he was burning me, come on Todd, you can remember, think. He said I had no right to question him and for that he was going to add to the test. So first he held the flame under my one hand, then under my other hand. When he was finished he usually would let me go put them under cold water but he didn't that day. What did he do Todd? "


Todd sat there for a minute then he looked at his hands, turned them over and looked at the palms. He saw the burns and then he was back to that day. He remembered. As if in a dream Todd stood up, reliving it. His arms went out to either side. "Dad, don't it hurts...I can't hold the buckets, it hurts Dad... I'm sorry... I won't do it again. No Dad, don't make them hotter. Dad, I promise, please!" he was crying but he couldn't lower his arms. Blair got up and went to him and lowered his arms.  Blair’s actions brought Todd out of his trance. He looked at her. "He made me stand there for an hour and wouldn't let me lower them. The buckets were filled with boiling water so I wouldn't forget the heat of the flame. I stopped begging after the first fifteen minutes because he started laughing. I had already sent Tom away so I had to stand there and listen.  At some point, I don't know exactly when the heat started churning deep inside me and I felt a calm come over me. The buckets became ice cold and a small portion of me froze with them."


Ms. Perkins spoke, " A little more froze each time Todd, With every consequence you took, your hate grew. You were determined to beat him at his own game. You decided then that he wasn't going to hurt Tom again and so you took on more and more of the pain."


Ray sat there, listening as Ms. Perkins talked to Todd. Todd was finally facing where the rage came from. Now they had to show him how to release it without letting Pete seize control.


Todd looked at Blair, he had heard Ms. Perkins but it had taken a moment to realize, so had everybody else. Ok, this is getting really weird. First Tom taking control and now Ms. Perkins, they were trying to tell him something. What was it Ms. Perkins said? That with each consequence he had taken, his hate had grown. Of course, why hadn't he seen it before? His anger that churned inside was the hatred for Peter that had been festering since childhood. He had always thought it was something that he himself had done that caused the anger but it wasn't. When he had raped Marty, he hated himself. He had known something inside himself had reacted to Marty's rejection and scorn. Now he realized his hatred for his father, which he had never been able to act upon, had caused him to lash out at Marty in Peter's place. He turned to Ray. "I need a mirror. I need to see them as they talk, I know that sounds strange because you're are hearing us all. Normally I'd just slip inside to talk but I'm guessing that I have to bring the conversation out for this to be effective."


Ray nodded and said "You need to confront them openly yes. Hang on," Ray spoke to the nurse and she left the room. "While she's getting you that mirror, why don't you sit back down and tell me what you're thinking about right now. I know you heard Ms. Perkins did it make any sense to you."


Todd and Blair sat back down. "Ray, I knew I hated Peter Manning. But I've always fought that hatred because I thought it was wrong to hate your father. I felt I was the one who was screwed up because I didn't understand how I could hate him. God Ray, he was my Dad. Why did he do those things? I've felt that dark place inside of me and thought it was there because of my sins. I've seen it grow and I can hardly keep it in check. I figured it was my punishment. Then when I found out I was the son of Victor Lord and heard Vicki's horror stories, it just confirmed for me that I was right. That dark angry place was my inheritance from my father. But it's not a curse or an unstable element in my genetic makeup. It doesn't have anything to do with Victor. It's there because of Peter. I couldn't act on it as a child and so I bottled it up."


Ray looked at Todd. "You're right Todd, Peter is behind your anger but I think there's more to the story. You've had periods in your life where that rage came out. Your rape of Marty and the subsequent attack on Nora. The anger popped the cork so to speak and spilled out. But there's a part of you, Todd, that detests that anger and you invariably find a way to contain it. You are more redeemable than you think. I've felt it all along. If you don't believe me, take a look at Samuel. He lived a relatively normal life for eight years. He didn't have your baggage so he just forged ahead. If you were truly as evil as you believe yourself to be, Samuel would have been corrupted too."


Ray paused to see if his words were getting through to Todd.  "You've lived with your Alters for a long time. Did you ever really ask yourself why they showed up when they did? You're familiar with the causes of DID. How do they apply to you?" asked Ray. He knew he might be lighting a powder keg, Todd had never liked talking about anything sexual. But so far all the abuse had been physical and mental. Ray was sure Todd was shying away from the true abuse. "You once told me Peter was a womanizer who had a new girlfriend every month or so. You also told me he hated women. Why did you say that about him?"


Todd stared at Ray and felt his heart begin racing. Ray knew he hated talking about Peter's sexual appetites. In some ways, he had felt sorry for the women who tried to hang on to Peter. Todd had known Peter wasn't going to give them what they really wanted, but he realized that as he had gotten older he hadn't treated women any better. Peter had beaten it into him 'Don't trust anyone!' and Todd had started living that way too. Todd's first ventures in sex had been disasters, he had tried to appear nonchalant with the girls but when it came time to perform Todd had always choked. He hadn't known why. After being humiliated several times Todd had been joined by Rodd who told him to sit back and watch, so he had allowed Rodd to take over.


"Ahh, but you never paid attention. You were always so rough with ze women. I kept trying to show you how to appreciate them but alas you were how-you-say hung up by something." Rodd said aloud. "You know Todd, since ah Samuel's shown up, you are much better in bed. Between him and I, you might yet make a good lover."


Todd buried his face in his hands, he was losing control all over the place. Now Rodd had jumped into the conversation, when was it going to stop. To hear Rodd talk, he had been a basket case a lot of years when it came to making love. It was humiliating, so what if he had been uncomfortable with sex. A lot of young men probably felt that way too.


Ray jumped on Rodd's Statement. "Rodd explain to me how Todd was in those situations."


"Ah Certainly. You must a see, Todd, he wanted control of the girls but his a body made him lose control. Todd, he no likes to lose control. And ifa the girl she would laugh, that would make Todd angry. I started helping so that Todd coulda keep better control."


"Rodd why do you think Todd had a problem with Control." asked Ray


"Why that's easy. Todd hada no control because of his father Peter."


"RODD STOP!" Todd had risen to his feet.


Ray sensed he was panicking. Todd was fearful of something he thought Rodd was about to say. "Todd, easy does it. Calm down."


Todd was pacing the room he seemed to be looking for a way out.  "I need some air, Ray.  It's getting awfully stuffy in here."


The nurse had returned with a mirror and Ray met her and sent her back out for the doctor. Todd was like a bird caught in a room. Blair went to him, trying to calm him down but he didn't seem to see her or hear her.


The doctor came back in and Ray moved to Todd. "Todd I want you to sit down," Ray and Blair got Todd back to the chair but they were literally holding him down. The doctor listened to his heart and shook his head at Ray. "Ok, Todd we're going to give you something to calm you down. Your breathing should ease up shortly." As soon as Todd started to relax in the chair Ray let him go. He indicated to Blair to take one of his hands and hold him in case he should feel the need to move again. Todd seemed unfocused, staring nowhere in particular. Ray pulled the doctor over for his opinion.


"His heart is beating irregularly and I'm concerned for the altered state he appears to be in right now. You're probably going to have to pull back from any more questions today. The sedative I just administered is a light one and hopefully, he'll be coming out of this state soon. At this point, I don't know if he's in this state because of your questions or the concussion. Physically, I think he's done for the day. I don't like the heart rate and from his recent history he's teetering just this side of another attack." stated the doctor.


Ray thanked the Doctor and went back to Todd. "How's he doing Blair? See if you can bring him back."


Blair caressed his hands, it bothered her how cold they were. "Todd, come on, you've zoned out long enough. You're scaring me. You need to come back now. Rodd or Tom or Ms. Perkins do you see him? What's he doing?"


"My dear, He's alright but he's not talking to us either. He's by the door," said Ms. Perkins.


Ray knows he shouldn't push but he has to know. "Ms. Perkins. What door would that be?"


"Why the door to his secret. He's just staring at it. Wait something's happening. He's reaching for the knob." replies Ms. Perkins.


Todd jerks his hand and hisses "Damn that's Hot," he looks at his hand and was surprised that's it wasn't burnt. Then he notices everyone staring at him. "Ok let me guess, I disappeared again huh."


"Not exactly Todd, Do you remember where you were just now?" asked Ray.


Todd looks at his hand "I was standing in front of a door. There was something behind it I felt I had to see, but the knob was scorching hot. What's been happening out here?"


"You were unresponsive to anything we said but that happened after you had a panic attack Rodd was talking about your lovemaking techniques or lack thereof and said..." Ray trailed off as he saw Todd's face pale. His eyes had widened and he had looked at his hand again. "Uh, I think we'll save that for the next session. Todd, you might feel a little groggy soon, we gave you a sedative because you were so agitated. I feel we were making some progress but you're still recovering from the concussion and the doctor thinks you're pushing more than you should, so we'll stop here today.


With plans made to continue the sessions two days later, Todd and Blair headed home. Todd dozed off in the car and found himself in front of that door once more. No one was around so he decided to try the door again he reached for the knob. The knob was cold almost freezing, his hand felt so cold and then he watched as the cold started making it's way up his arm, No he had to let go but he couldn't, his hand was frozen to the knob and it continued to spread, the cold was covering his whole body then it crept toward his heart. Todd started struggling, trying to free his hand before the cold stopped his heart. He was desperate and gave one final pull the hand came off but the door opened wide and Todd saw what sat behind it. Todd sat up with a jerk he stared out the window. "Oh God Nooo!"